Able to Care

What if the biggest shift in behaviour support isn’t about techniques… but about how we think?
In this solo episode, Andy Baker explores one of the most underrated skills in caregiving, education and parenting: intellectual humility. The ability to step back and question your assumptions can transform how you understand behaviour - whether it’s a child labelled “attention-seeking”, a student seen as “lazy”, or an adult perceived as “difficult”.
Through relatable stories and practical examples, Andy challenges the way we interpret behaviour, showing how labels can block connection, fuel confirmation bias, and escalate situations. Instead, he introduces a more effective approach built on curiosity, emotional awareness, and understanding the hidden reasons behind behaviour.
If you’ve ever felt stuck, frustrated, or unsure how to respond to behaviour that challenges - this episode will help you see things differently… and respond more effectively.
⏱️ Timestamps (Chapters)
00:00 - Attention-seeking vs connection-seeking: why framing matters00:35 - The most underrated skill: intellectual humility01:00 - Why we misread behaviour (and overestimate our understanding)01:30 - The “bouncing ball” story: behaviour makes sense in context02:30 - Why past experiences shape present reactions03:00 - How small moments can create lasting emotional impact04:00 - Invalidation, shame, and why “it doesn’t matter” doesn’t help04:30 - The power of curiosity in behaviour support05:00 - Why caregivers lose curiosity under pressure05:30 - The problem with labels like “lazy”, “liar”, or “manipulative”06:00 - How labels fuel confirmation bias07:00 - Why labels create disconnection07:30 - A better question: “Why this, why now?”08:30 - Fixing vs managing behaviour - knowing the difference09:00 - Communication beyond words: tone, body language and presence10:00 - Why calm is the most practical intervention10:30 - How assumptions leak through your communication10:50 - De-escalation through alignment and connection11:30 - Connection before correction in practice12:30 - Key takeaway: labels create lazy thinking13:00 - Why curiosity leads to better care and stronger relationships13:30 - Turning curiosity into consistent practice (Able Target System)
🔑 Three Key Messages
Labels aren’t explanations - they’re shortcuts.They often oversimplify behaviour and reinforce confirmation bias, limiting your ability to see the full picture.
Behaviour always makes sense… in context.What looks like an overreaction might be completely logical when you understand someone’s past experiences.
Curiosity creates connection - and connection changes outcomes.Asking “why this, why now?” helps you respond more effectively while maintaining boundaries and dignity.
🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?
You’ll rethink common behaviour labels like “attention-seeking”, “lazy”, or “manipulative”
You’ll gain practical tools to reduce conflict and improve communication
You’ll learn how to balance empathy with boundaries
You’ll understand how your mindset directly impacts the people you support
You’ll walk away with a clearer, calmer approach to behaviour that challenges
📚 Resources Mentioned
The Able Target System – A structured approach to behaviour support, de-escalation, and reflection
Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge – Andy Baker’s book
The Adaptive Caregiver (coming soon) – A model focused on improving wellbeing and quality of life through adaptive support
🌐 Links & Socials
Website: https://www.able-training.co.uk/podcast
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-support
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingsupport
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletrainingsupport
A thought to leave you with:
If the behaviour makes no sense to you… is that about them - or about the limits of your current understanding?

When people think about care homes, they often picture routines, medication, and maybe a bit of bingo. But what if the most important part of care is the part we can’t easily measure?
In this episode, I’m joined by Surraya Sadr, Head of Wellbeing and Lifestyle at Mindful Care, to unpack what wellbeing in care settings really means - especially for those supporting people living with dementia.
We explore the emotional reality of being the person everyone leans on, why wellbeing roles are often misunderstood or undervalued, and how small everyday moments - not big activities - are what truly shape quality of life.
If you’re a parent, teacher, caregiver or support professional, this conversation will challenge how you think about behaviour, connection and what “good care” actually looks like.
🧩 About Surraya Sadr
Surraya brings a powerful blend of experience across youth work, occupational therapy and dementia care.
Former Dementia Care Coach in the NHS
Led wellbeing across 40+ care homes and 50 staff
Finalist at the National Dementia Awards (Best Wellbeing Lead)
Now Head of Wellbeing & Lifestyle at Mindful Care
Her work focuses on improving dementia care, staff wellbeing, and practical, person-centred approaches that actually work in real settings.
🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned
Mindful Care: https://mindful-care.co.uk/
Wellbeing Forum (April 2026 – Anglia Ruskin University, Cambridge)
Email Surraya: surraya@mindful-care.co.uk
Able to Care Podcast & Socials
Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast
💡 Three Key Messages
1. Wellbeing is not an “extra” - it’s the foundation
If someone doesn’t feel safe, connected or understood, no amount of task-based care will meet their needs.
2. The most important work is often invisible
The conversations, the noticing, the small adjustments - this is where real care happens, but it’s rarely measured or valued.
3. You cannot pour from an empty cup (even if you try)
Burnout doesn’t arrive loudly. It creeps in through disconnection, anxiety and emotional exhaustion - and many carers ignore it until it’s too late.
⏱️ Timestamps (Chapters)
00:00 – Introduction02:30 – What wellbeing roles really involve (beyond bingo)06:00 – Why dementia care requires emotional skill, not just tasks10:30 – Why wellbeing staff are undervalued in care homes14:30 – Surraya’s journey into wellbeing and dementia care18:30 – What’s improving in care homes (and what still isn’t)22:30 – Signs you might be heading towards burnout26:00 – Compassion fatigue and emotional load in care roles30:00 – Why wellbeing fails in some care settings34:00 – Adapting activities for different cognitive needs38:00 – A real example of turning a struggling team around41:00 – Why mental wellbeing is so hard to measure45:00 – Realistic self-care (not bubble baths)51:00 – How families can support wellbeing teams55:00 – Common challenges shared in wellbeing forums58:00 – Rethinking the “activities coordinator” role1:02:00 – Final message: your worth as a caregiver
🎯 Why Listen to This Episode
If you’ve ever:
Felt like behaviour is misunderstood or labelled too quickly
Been the one “holding everything together” for others
Struggled with burnout, guilt or emotional exhaustion
Wondered how to better support someone living with dementia
Questioned why care systems focus more on tasks than people
This episode will give you a different lens.
Not a perfect framework. Not a checklist.
But a more honest, human understanding of what care really requires.
🔄 A Thought to Take Away
Surraya said something that stuck:
“It’s not about big activities. It’s about the everyday moments.”
And maybe that’s the challenge for all of us.
Are we focusing on what’s visible…Or what actually matters?

Most behaviour doesn’t “come out of nowhere”. Whether you’re caring for a loved one with dementia, supporting a child with big emotions, or working in health, education or social care, there is nearly always a click, click, click moment before things escalate. In this episode, Andy Baker breaks down how to recognise early signs of distress, why logic often fails when the nervous system is activated, and what to do in those crucial seconds before behaviour takes off.
For caregivers, teachers and parents, this episode offers practical tools for calmer responses, safer environments and stronger relationships – without slipping into control, shame or endless firefighting.
Why Listen?
If you ever find yourself thinking:
“It came out of nowhere”,
“They go from 0–100 instantly”, or
“Nothing I say gets through”…
…this episode gives you a different lens. You’ll learn how physiology drives escalation, how to reduce triggers you can influence, and how small adjustments can prevent big incidents. This is for anyone who wants fewer meltdowns, calmer homes, more regulated classrooms, and safer care settings.
Three Key Messages
Behaviour escalates physiologically long before it escalates visibly – if we miss the cues, we miss the opportunity.
Connection beats correction in the early stages – logic only works once the nervous system feels safe.
If you want fewer “big” incidents, get obsessed with the “small signals” – curiosity is the most underused de-escalation tool.
Resources Mentioned
Andy’s book Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge
Able Training courses on behaviour management and de-escalation: https://able-training.co.uk/training
Timestamps / Chapters
00:00 – The click, click, click momentThe rollercoaster analogy and why escalation is rarely sudden.
00:18 – What early escalation really looks likeFrom tapping and fidgeting to repetitive questioning and corridor walking.
01:00 – Behaviour is physiology firstUnderstanding proprioception, vestibular input and interoception.
02:30 – Why reasoning fails during escalationThe thinking brain goes offline; the body leads the response.
04:00 – Treat early signs as data, not defianceHow shame responses make things worse.
05:00 – The rollercoaster metaphor explainedWhen someone still has choices – and when they don’t.
06:00 – Four practical steps for early intervention
10:40 – What happens when adults escalate too?How fear, identity threat and control impulses affect caregivers and staff.
12:00 – Examples in schools, parenting and adult careWhy teachers often miss early signs, and how transitions trigger behaviours at home.
14:40 – Preventing escalation in dementia careRoutine, environment and proactive support.
16:30 – The real takeawayIf you want calmer environments, look earlier, not harder.
Links
Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcastInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperienceLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast

In this powerful and heart-opening episode, Andy sits down with Ruth Thompson, who leads the dementia carer support services at Dementia Adventure. Ruth has spent years helping families understand dementia in a way that is honest, human and full of possibility. Together, they explore what carers most fear, how to see the person behind the diagnosis, why communication needs to change, and how even the smallest “adventures” can rebuild confidence for both the person living with dementia and the carer supporting them.
This episode is especially meaningful for caregivers, teachers and parents who want to better understand behaviour, reduce anxiety, build trust and reconnect with the person they support. Ruth offers practical tools, lived experience, and gentle reframes that help families breathe again – without pretending the journey is easy.
🔗 Resources Mentioned
Dementia Adventure (organisation homepage): https://dementiaadventure.org
Unpacking Dementia – Facebook Live Series: https://dementiaadventure.org/unpacking-dementia/
Friends & Family Support Sessions: https://dementiaadventure.org/our-services
Ruth’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ruth-thompson-677454227/
Email Ruth: ruth@dementiaadventure.org
Able to Care Podcast: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
✨ Three Key Messages
1. Dementia is a journey, not a switch.
The person is still there. The relationship is still there. What needs to change is how we approach communication, expectations and support.
2. Carers deserve support, boundaries and moments of joy.
Guilt is common – but unsustainable. Carers must learn to accept help, create small adventures for themselves, and celebrate small wins.
3. Adventure is anything meaningful.
It doesn’t have to be a holiday. A cup of tea in the garden, a walk around the block or listening to old music together can reconnect identity, memory and emotion.
⏱️ Timestamps – Your Chapter Guide
00:04 – Welcome to RuthIntroductions and the meaning behind “Dementia Adventure”.
01:20 – What does dementia adventure really mean?How the organisation reframes life with dementia.
02:51 – Explaining dementia honestly but without hopelessnessWhy the journey metaphor matters.
05:10 – What unpaid carers fear mostThe questions they arrive with and the lightbulb moments that follow.
07:28 – “Seeing the person before the condition” in real lifeSeparating dementia symptoms from personality.
09:39 – Staying curious about who the person is nowSmall communication tweaks that change everything.
12:12 – The power of shared supportWhy community reduces shame and breaks isolation.
13:10 – Moving from labels to understanding behaviourUnmet needs, curiosity and prevention.
15:08 – Boundaries that protect rather than punishChristmas examples, people-pleasing and saying what you need.
16:19 – Accepting help without guiltWhy carers struggle – and why they shouldn’t.
17:05 – Is it still safe to go on holiday with dementia?How Dementia Adventure assesses needs and supports families.
18:41 – A powerful story of trust-building and anxiety reductionOne couple’s transformation during a holiday.
23:46 – Why change of environment sometimes helpsNature, routine and regulating cognitive load.
26:21 – Long-term benefits of adventureResearch, photos, memories and returning families.
27:53 – The impact on carersReconnecting as partners, not just as carers.
30:14 – Community, connection and ongoing relationshipsHow families support each other year after year.
32:30 – What levels of need can be supported?Mobility, tailored trips, family holidays and flexibility.
35:46 – The guilt conversationMood, motivation and the emotional load of caring.
40:16 – Most common questions on Facebook Live“What one thing can make life better?”
41:32 – Small local adventures anyone can trySupported days out, memory cafés, walking groups.
43:10 – Why familiar adventures still countThe value of routine, simplicity and joy.
46:58 – Tiny adventures to big adventuresFrom forest walks to ziplining and overseas trips.
48:21 – What research is teaching usBrain health, lifestyle changes and unmet needs.
51:22 – Why person-centred care isn’t new – but still isn’t universalThe systemic challenges behind good dementia practice.
52:13 – Final advice: one small adventure this weekSomething that makes you smile – and reconnects you both.
💡 Why Listen to This Episode?
If you’re supporting someone living with dementia – professionally or personally – this episode will remind you that:
You are not alone.
You don’t need a magic wand.
Behaviour makes sense when you understand the need beneath it.
Small changes in communication often unlock big wins.
You deserve care, rest, boundaries and moments of joy too.
Ruth brings compassion, clarity and practical wisdom to a subject many people whisper about but desperately need help with.
📲 Connect with Ruth Thompson
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ruth-thompson-677454227/
Dementia Adventure: https://dementiaadventure.org
Unpacking Dementia Lives: https://dementiaadventure.org/unpacking-dementia/
📲 Connect with Able Training / Able to Care
Podcast website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcastInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperienceLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast

Violence and high-risk behaviour aren’t “just part of the job” – yet many caregivers, support workers and educators quietly accept them as unavoidable. In this solo episode, Andy challenges that belief head-on. Using a real-world adult-care scenario, he explores what truly drives escalation, why incidents often look sudden even when they aren’t, and how teams unintentionally slip into blame, shame and control rather than prevention, planning and compassion.
This episode gives parents, teachers and paid or unpaid carers a clear, practical lens for understanding risk: how to catch behaviours at “2 or 3” instead of “10”, how to hold boundaries without punishment, and how to replace firefighting with detective-level prevention. Whether you support children, adults with complex needs, or older people living with dementia, this message applies across the board: safety is a design choice, not wishful thinking.
🔗 Resources Mentioned
Able Target System – Shared language and proactive planning for behaviour support.
Train-the-Trainer programmes – Behaviour, physical intervention, and safer de-escalation training.
Free resources & episodes: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
✨ Three Key Messages
1. Violence is not “part of the job” – and normalising it harms everyone.
When staff internalise danger as inevitable, burnout, turnover and defensive cultures follow.
2. Prevention beats crisis management every time.
Most incidents become “unmanageable” because the early warning signs at 2, 3, 4 and 5 were missed, dismissed or deprioritised.
3. Boundaries are not the opposite of compassion.
You can keep people safe, uphold expectations and act firmly – without humiliating, punishing or controlling those you support.
⏱️ Timestamps – Chapter Guide
00:00 – Naming the problemViolence is not normal, and accepting it damages staff and services.
00:23 – Episode focusUnderstanding harm behaviours without falling into punishment or control.
00:37 – The scenarioAdult services… doorway blocked, objects slammed, staff frozen.
00:55 – The myth of “nothing works with him”Why we must examine earlier moments in the escalation chain.
01:17 – Missed opportunities at 2, 3, 4, 5Prevention overlooked because “I’ve got no time right now”.
01:35 – “No time” becomes an escalating factorWhen deprioritisation plants the seeds for crisis.
02:08 – Shame, blame and defensive reportingWhy “it wasn’t my fault” cultures stop learning.
02:57 – Intellectual honesty in incident reviewWhat really helps teams grow.
03:02 – Control mode in crisisWhy stressed staff instinctively reach for punishment.
03:34 – When staff feel unheardThe emotional cost of devaluing carers.
03:43 – The core problem: prevention is undervaluedOrganisations over-invest in crisis training, under-invest in early planning.
04:06 – Detective mode vs firefighter modeA simple tool for designing safer responses.
04:50 – The danger of living in “firefighter mode”Burnout, repeat incidents and organisational fatigue.
05:21 – Boundaries without punishmentYou don’t have to choose between being kind and being firm.
05:58 – When safety becomes controlWhy ‘winning’ the moment is the wrong goal.
06:19 – Applications across sectorsSchools, parenting, foster care, dementia support.
07:04 – Schools: consequence overdriveRubbers forgotten = detentions? Why this culture harms learning.
07:52 – Parenting: avoiding “daily enforcement mode”Boundaries + nurture = secure, calmer behaviour.
07:49 – Trauma and misinterpreted controlWhy children with trauma histories escalate under pressure.
07:57 – Dementia care: prevention wins againEnvironment, routine and communication over correction.
08:05 – Designing systems, not depending on heroicsWhy proactive culture is the real safeguard.
08:21 – The Able Target SystemShared language, safer staff, predictable support.
08:33 – Closing messageIf you found this useful, please like, comment and share.
💡 Why Listen to This Episode?
This episode is for anyone who has ever felt:
“We only ever get called when it’s already a crisis.”
“I’m scared to set boundaries in case I escalate things.”
“We’re reacting all day and never getting ahead.”
“I love this work, but I’m exhausted by constant firefighting.”
Andy gives you practical tools to shift from reaction to prevention, challenge unhealthy workplace norms, and hold boundaries with humanity. You’ll walk away with a clearer sense of how to keep yourself safe, support others with dignity, and reduce the emotional load on teams, parents and caregivers.
📲 Connect with Able to Care & Able Training
Podcast Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcastInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperienceLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast

Most cardiac arrests happen where we least expect them – at home, often in front of the people we love. Yet so many parents, carers, teachers and support workers quietly fear they’d freeze, forget what to do, or make things worse. This week’s guest, Rob Jones, understands that fear more intimately than most. Rob survived a sudden cardiac arrest in the middle of the night because his wife Ruby began CPR on their bedroom floor. Eighteen minutes later, paramedics took over – but it was her hands that kept him alive.
In this episode, Rob shares the real experience of collapsing without warning, what his family lived through in those terrifying minutes, and what recovery actually feels like when your heart has stopped twice. He explains why CPR training isn’t just a workplace tick-box – it’s a life skill that every home, school and community needs. Rob and his wife now run The Idiopath, using lived experience to train others in CPR, resilience and real-world decision-making under pressure.
This is an honest, hopeful, deeply human conversation that will speak to carers, parents, teachers and anyone who wants to feel prepared rather than powerless in an emergency.
🔗 Resources & Guest Links
The Idiopath – Website: https://www.theidiopath.com/
The Idiopath – Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theidiopath/
Rob Jones – LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rob-jones-8a2504161/
Contact Rob: rob@theidiopath.com
Metro Feature on Rob’s Story: https://metro.co.uk/2025/11/25/a-thud-night-started-worst-18-minutes-life-24790076/
Able to Care Podcast Hub: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
✨ Three Key Messages
1. Doing something is always better than doing nothing.
Once a heart has stopped, you cannot make the situation worse. Even imperfect chest compressions give someone a chance they wouldn’t otherwise have.
2. CPR is a family skill, not a workplace skill.
Most cardiac arrests occur at home. CPR training matters just as much for parents, older children, carers and teachers as it does for clinical staff.
3. Resilience isn’t toughness – it’s adapting when life changes shape.
Rob explains how trauma reshaped his identity, his energy, his limits and his choices, and how The Idiopath now helps others build practical, everyday resilience.
⏱️ Timestamps – Chapter Guide
00:05 – Welcome & openingAndy introduces Rob and the conversation begins.
00:27 – The night everything changedRob collapses; Ruby realises something is terribly wrong.
01:11 – Ruby’s response under pressureInstinct, panic and the moment CPR begins.
02:22 – Hearing the 999 call backRob describes the shock of listening to real panic.
03:29 – Processing what happenedThe surreal reality of causing distress you can’t remember.
04:09 – Waking in hospitalConfusion, wires and the slow realisation of cardiac arrest.
05:55 – 18 minutes of CPRThe statistical reality: survival and brain damage concerns.
07:18 – Ambulance arrival and transfer of careWhy CPR before crews arrive matters most.
08:29 – Returning to “normal” lifeWork, recovery, setbacks and the second heart stoppage.
09:41 – When the defibrillator firesThe moment Rob’s ICD restarts his heart.
10:38 – Rethinking life, stress and purposeTurning lived experience into service.
11:14 – The birth of The IdiopathUsing real stories to educate and prevent more loss.
12:23 – The fear of doing CPR “wrong”Why you can’t make a dead person more dead.
13:44 – Common myths and barriersHurting someone, legal fears, rescue breaths and reality.
16:34 – Hands-only CPR in real lifeWhat it looks like and what training does (and doesn’t) prepare you for.
18:59 – CPR songs, rhythm and real-world limitationsFrom ‘Staying Alive’ to questionable modern hits.
21:15 – What learners really askDragging someone from bed, tight spaces, “what if…?”
23:31 – Fear of being suedWhy the Good Samaritan principles protect responders.
24:41 – Why YOU need CPR trainingParents, carers, teachers – and why home is the highest-risk environment.
26:03 – Connecting with other survivorsSupport groups, trauma, and lived experience beyond the arrest.
28:07 – When CPR failsHonest conversations about loss and statistics.
31:23 – Living after cardiac arrestInvisible recovery, fear, identity and resilience.
34:49 – The Idiopath’s five pillars of resilienceTools for stress, energy, emotion and adaptation.
37:04 – Why people book CPR after hearing Rob’s storyLived experience creates behaviour change.
39:17 – Why small businesses need CPR tooBarbers, shops, youth clubs and the silent risks.
40:28 – One action for listenersIf you do just one thing: learn CPR.
41:32 – CPR as an act of lovePreparing your future self – and protecting those you care for.
43:00 – Teaching children CPRWhy early exposure matters and how young kids can learn safely.
46:04 – Where to find Rob & The IdiopathContact information and next steps.
46:35 – Closing message from AndyTake the nudge: learn CPR today.
💡 Why Listen to This Episode?
This episode is for anyone who has ever quietly wondered:
Would I freeze?
Would I know what to do?
Could I really save someone I love?
Rob’s story strips away the myths, the guilt and the fear around CPR.He and Andy talk frankly about panic, recovery, trauma, resilience, and the emotional aftermath that textbooks never mention. Whether you're a parent, a care worker, a teacher, or simply someone who wants to be ready for the unthinkable, this conversation will leave you more confident, more informed and more compassionate toward yourself.
You don’t have to be fearless – you just have to be willing.
📲 Connect with Able to Care & Able Training
Podcast Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcastInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperienceLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast

In this solo episode, Andy explores one of the most painful dilemmas in dementia care: When someone repeatedly asks for a loved one who has died, is telling the truth always the kindest thing to do? Using the scenario of Margaret – a woman living with dementia who searches anxiously for her husband – Andy explains why connection before correction is essential not only in dementia care, but also in parenting, teaching, trauma-responsive work, and supporting distressed adults.
Through real scenarios and practical tools, Andy unpacks what distress really looks like, why a nervous system in panic cannot process facts, and how small relational shifts can reduce anxiety, prevent escalation, and build trust.Perfect for unpaid carers, family members, teachers, support workers and care-home staff, this episode gives you a compassionate roadmap for responding to distress without shame, fear or accidental cruelty.
🔗 Resources Mentioned
Able Target System – Behaviour support framework for consistent, compassionate responses.
Adaptive Carer Model – Care roles and strategies for dementia support.
Andy’s Blog & Podcast Episodes on connection, communication, and behaviour.
Training & Courses via Able Training: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
✨ Three Key Messages
1. “Honesty” isn’t always kind – impact matters more than intention.
Correcting someone with dementia can recreate the pain of bereavement again and again. Emotional truth often protects dignity better than factual accuracy.
2. Connection before correction is not optional – it’s the intervention.
Whether in care homes, schools or families, a dysregulated nervous system cannot absorb logic. Safety first, facts later.
3. Behaviour is communication, not defiance.
A person calling out for Teddy may be expressing fear, loneliness, confusion or sensory overload – not seeking information. Respond to the need, not just the question.
⏱️ Timestamps – Chapter Guide
00:00 – The emotional dilemma“Where’s my husband?” – is honesty kind or cruel?
00:20 – Why dementia changes how truth landsPainful reminders can hit like repeated fresh bereavements.
00:43 – Introducing Margaret’s storyAnxiety, wandering, sensory triggers, and the search for Teddy.
01:17 – Why people still reorientate bluntlyTraining gaps, new staff, overwhelmed families, and assumptions.
01:54 – Intent vs impactMalice isn’t the issue – misunderstanding is.
02:39 – Honesty is contextualFrom Anne Frank to dementia care – when honesty can harm.
03:10 – Therapeutic truthBest-interest-led communication rather than literal accuracy.
03:50 – Capacity, reactions and emotional patternsHow to judge whether reminding helps or harms.
04:41 – Connection before correctionEmpathy, grounding, validating feelings, calming the nervous system.
05:10 – What is Teddy really representing?Loneliness? Safety? Confusion? Emotional needs beneath the question.
05:40 – Why logic doesn’t reach a distressed brainAmygdala activation, panic, and the need for co-regulation.
06:25 – Prevention matters more than crisis managementNoise, environment, routine, familiarity and reducing triggers.
07:14 – Emotional availability in careSlow steps, calm tone, small choices, predictable routines.
07:55 – Walking, redirecting & environment shiftsPractical ways to settle a distressed person.
08:14 – Using these principles beyond dementiaSchools, parenting, foster care, trauma, and dysregulated children.
09:03 – Why “I told you already” makes things worseEmotional orientation beats factual orientation every time.
09:58 – Trauma, time-travel and stress responsesWhy distressed behaviour isn’t disrespect or defiance.
10:40 – The risk of confrontationWhen challenging a belief creates threat rather than clarity.
11:20 – The big takeawayConnection isn’t a technique – it is the intervention.
11:54 – Tools you can use: Able Target System & Adaptive Carer ModelHow to structure responses without increasing power struggles.
💡 Why Listen to This Episode?
This episode is for you if:
You support someone with dementia and feel stuck between “being honest” and “being kind”.
You work in education or care and want trauma-informed communication tools.
You’re a parent struggling with repeated questions, meltdowns or emotional overwhelm.
You want practical, compassion-first strategies that genuinely reduce distressed behaviours.
You want to understand why logic fails when emotions run high – and what works instead.
If you’re tired, overwhelmed or worrying that you’re “getting it wrong”, this episode brings clarity, relief and concrete steps you can use immediately.
📲 Connect with Able to Care & Able Training
Podcast Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast

In this powerful and reassuring conversation, Andy speaks with Michelle Reshef-Ash, CEO of Dementia Prevention UK and a PhD researcher at University College London, whose work bridges cutting-edge research with real-world, accessible dementia-prevention support for families and communities.
This episode unpacks the big questions that parents, teachers, carers and support workers ask every day:
Can dementia really be prevented?
How much do genes matter?
What small changes genuinely make a difference when real life is busy, stressful or overwhelming?
How do we talk about dementia without shame, fear or blame?
Michelle offers clear, compassionate science, practical habit-building tools, and an honest look at the inequalities that shape people’s opportunities for good brain health. From supporting overstretched carers, to helping underserved communities, to empowering people in their 40s, 50s and beyond to take realistic steps – this conversation gives you hope without hype, and guidance without guilt.
If you support others – or simply want to protect your own long-term wellbeing – this episode is packed with insight you can use today.
🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned
Dementia Prevention UK – workshops, programmes and community tools: https://dementiapreventionuk.com/
Michelle Reshef-Ash (LinkedIn): https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-reshef-ash/
NHS App – track blood tests and biomarkers
Topics discussed: Alzheimer’s gene APOE4, biomarker checks (vitamin D, cholesterol, BP), COM-B behaviour-change model, epigenetics, movement for mood, social connection benefits.
✨ Three Key Messages
1. Dementia prevention is about lowering risk, not promising certainty.
The aim isn’t perfection – it’s improving quality of life and reducing vulnerability through realistic, sustainable habits.
2. Your opportunities shape your health as much as your motivation.
People in underserved or stressful environments aren’t lacking willpower – they’re often lacking accessible, safe and affordable options.
3. Caregivers don’t need more pressure – they need compassion, boundaries and support.
For carers, the most protective “brain health habit” is reducing self-blame and prioritising emotional wellbeing.
⏱️ Timestamps – Chapter Guide
00:00 – Welcome & setting the sceneStorms, virtual chats and the big question: can dementia be prevented?
00:43 – Can dementia be prevented?Why prevention really means risk reduction – and why honest language matters.
02:13 – Understanding statistics & common misconceptions“My grandmother smoked till 96” – why anecdotes aren’t evidence.
02:43 – What does a brain-healthy life actually look like?Realistic habits, not Instagram wellness.
03:50 – Why brain health matters beyond dementiaQuality of life, resilience, sleep, routine and long-term wellbeing.
04:39 – The dangers of “miracle cures” & misleading claimsSmoothies, apps, supplements – and why humility is essential in brain science.
07:30 – Genetics, family history & the boat analogyWhy having a gene increases risk but doesn’t seal your fate.
09:27 – Biomarkers everyone should checkBlood pressure, cholesterol, vitamin D, iron levels – and why.
11:55 – Medication, risk and honest conversations with your GPHow to explore alternatives safely.
13:42 – Dementia prevention also lowers other health risksCardiovascular, diabetes, obesity, depression, anxiety.
16:53 – Seasons of life & being kind to yourselfWhy behaviour change isn’t linear and shouldn’t be guilt-driven.
18:14 – The first three changes that give the biggest payoffMovement, social connection, and reducing alcohol.
21:24 – Sleep, routine and tiny habit anchorsWhy predictability matters more than perfection.
25:59 – Habits come in groupsHow one small change often triggers others.
27:34 – Behaviour change without “just” or shameWhy language matters when encouraging new habits.
28:47 – Dementia prevention in underserved communitiesBarriers, opportunities and the reality of daily stress.
32:47 – Affordable changes for real familiesCarrots, frozen veg, safe walking groups, social support.
36:27 – Supporting exhausted carersCompassion, boundaries, self-forgiveness and mental health as prevention.
40:57 – The importance of being known to servicesWhy families should contact charities & social services early.
42:49 – Is it too late for older adults?Never. Change always helps – at any age.
47:22 – What changes when people understand their brainMovement, medication review, mindset shifts, empowerment.
51:36 – Memory lapses, panic and early warning signsThe “Which D?” rule – Dementia, Depression, Vitamin D.
58:31 – Changing the conversation in families, schools & workplacesFrom fear to empowerment.
1:00:39 – The one kind step to take this weekBook a GP appointment and be honest about your fears.
💡 Why Listen to This Episode?
This episode is essential if you:
Support someone with dementia or fear a diagnosis yourself.
Work in education, care or community settings where brain health matters.
Want practical, culturally aware, non-judgemental guidance.
Feel overwhelmed, tired or guilty about your lifestyle and want realistic steps.
Want to understand how trauma, stress, inequality and opportunity shape health.
Need reassurance that it’s never too late to make meaningful change.
Michelle brings depth without doom, hope without false promises, and compassion without judgement.
📲 Connect with Michelle
Website: https://dementiapreventionuk.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-reshef-ash/
Email: michelle.reshef@dementiapreventionuk.com
📲 Connect with Able to Care & Able Training
Podcast Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast

In this solo episode, behaviour specialist Andy Baker explores one powerful scenario that reveals the truth behind so many so-called “challenging behaviours”: they are not defiance, manipulation or greed – they’re survival strategies built in the past and carried into the present. Whether you’re a foster carer, teacher, parent, support worker or dementia practitioner, this episode gives you a clear lens for understanding why people repeat behaviours that no longer fit their current environment, and how we can respond with curiosity rather than judgement.
Andy breaks down his motivation climate framework – unmet need, stress, and strategy – and shows how meeting needs and reducing fear leads to safer, calmer, more adaptive behaviour. You’ll hear real examples, practical steps, and trauma-informed approaches that work across education, care settings, parenting, learning disability support and dementia care.
🔗 Resources Mentioned
Andy’s Book – “Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge”A practical guide exploring the Six-Stage TARGET model and the Able Target System.
Able Target System – A trauma-informed, strengths-based behaviour support framework used across care, education and family settings.
Atomic Habits – James Clear (Referenced concept: making habits obvious, easy, attractive and rewarding.)
🔑 Three Key Messages
1. Behaviour is a strategy, not a character flaw.
Before reacting, ask: What need is unmet? What fear is present? What strategy kept them safe in the past?
2. Safety, certainty and control drive more behaviour than consequences ever will.
When we remove shame and build predictability, behaviour improves because fear reduces.
3. Real change happens when we make old behaviours unnecessary, not when we punish them.
Meeting needs, reducing stress and offering adaptive alternatives creates lasting change.
⏱️ Timestamps (Chapter Guide)
00:00 – The misunderstood behaviour: stealing foodWhy survival strategies look like “bad behaviour”.
00:25 – Introducing the scenario: Claire’s storyHow early neglect shapes unconscious responses long after safety returns.
01:28 – Yesterday’s logic vs today’s logicWhy children (and adults) don’t simply “turn off” old coping strategies.
02:04 – The danger of labels and assumptionsGreedy, manipulative, controlling? Or scared, uncertain and adapting?
02:48 – Confirmation bias in behaviour supportWhen we decide the narrative too early, we start hunting for evidence to support it.
03:38 – Andy’s Motivation Climate ModelUnmet need → Stress → Strategy (adaptive or maladaptive).
04:48 – Why some maladaptive behaviours were once perfectly adaptiveContext is everything. Behaviour makes sense in the world it was born in.
05:47 – Proactive strategies that actually workMeeting needs, reducing stress, adding predictability, offering safe control.
06:39 – Reducing shame triggersWhy calling out, teasing or “catching them in the act” backfires dramatically.
07:59 – Adding friction, not punishmentSmall adjustments that turn unhelpful habits into less appealing options.
09:11 – Broadening the lens across settingsSchools: pencil stealing, avoidance, reassurance seekingParenting: sneaking food, lyingAdult care: swapping items for certaintyDementia: rummaging, packing, hiding items
10:06 – The key question: how do we make the behaviour unnecessary?Stopping isn’t enough – replacing is essential.
11:01 – Atomic habits and behaviour changeMake the new behaviour easy, obvious, attractive and rewarding.
11:48 – The Able Target SystemHow to apply these principles across any care or education environment.
🎧 Why Listen to This Episode?
This episode is for you if:
You’re tired of behaviour being labelled “naughty”, “attention seeking”, or “manipulative”.
You want a trauma-informed way to interpret actions before reacting.
You support children or adults with histories of neglect, trauma, learning disability or dementia.
You want practical, compassionate strategies that actually reduce behaviours rather than suppress them.
You want to improve connection, safety and trust in your home, classroom or service.
You will walk away with a new way of thinking – one that brings empathy, clarity and confidence to the most confusing behaviours.
📲 Connect with Able to Care & Able Training
Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast

If you’re a parent, teacher, or caregiver wondering “Why is this child always in trouble at school?” this conversation will land. Dr Neil Alexander-Passe – teacher, researcher, exam access assessor, and author – unpacks what schools often misread in neurodivergent behaviour (dyslexia, ADHD, autism), why “naughty” can be a disguised help request, and how shame, repeated failure, and isolation-style discipline can build school-based trauma. You’ll also hear practical steps for spotting needs early, how to push for screening and support, and how simple shifts (like not doing your child’s homework for them) can create the evidence schools can’t ignore. Neil also connects the dots to the “school-to-prison pipeline” – not as scare-mongering, but as a systems warning and a call for earlier, wiser intervention.
Chapter timestamps (for easy listening)
00:00 – Why neurodivergent children are “always in trouble” at school
03:10 – The three groups teachers often see: “naughty”, “quiet”, and “middle”
05:33 – What school feels like from the inside with dyslexia and ADHD: shame, threat, learned helplessness
12:52 – “School-to-prison pipeline” explained in plain terms
13:52 – Hidden literacy needs and prison systems that assume reading and writing
19:06 – What adults misread: disruptive behaviour as a masked request for help
22:40 – EBSA, school distress, and why “avoidance” can be the wrong frame
31:22 – Homework: why doing it for your child backfires – and what to do instead
34:59 – Language that shapes mindset: grades vs effort, global labels vs specific feedback
38:19 – Practical screening clues: early signs of dyslexia, ADHD, and autism
44:05 – Rebuilding identity after “I’m stupid” / “I’m the bad kid”: strengths, passions, and the right tutor
47:25 – Post-school success: neurodivergent strengths, entrepreneurship, and support networks (including AI tools)
52:09 – A message for exhausted teachers: ask “why” before punishment
54:26 – Hope: inclusion awareness and the changing role of SENCOs
56:16 – Parent takeaway: don’t wait, raise concerns early, and don’t be pushed into removing your child
57:55 – Mainstream vs specialist provision, EHCP realities, and why Year 5 timing matters
01:04:12 – Neil’s upcoming books (including neurodivergent entrepreneurs)
Three key messages
Behaviour is often communication – and “naughty” can be a child protecting themselves.Avoidance, clowning, shutdowns, and meltdowns can be self-protection when work feels impossible or humiliating.
Early identification beats late consequences.Neil argues primary school is the best window for meaningful observation and support – because secondary systems can become too fragmented to “see” the child properly.
Stop feeding shame – in school and at home.Public failure, isolation-style discipline, and “I’m rubbish at…” language create learned helplessness. Specific feedback, effort-focused praise, and strengths-based identity building can change trajectories.
Resources mentioned in the conversation
Screeners and early identification: Neil recommends parents do their own initial research and use screeners for dyslexia, ADHD, and autism, then push the school with something concrete rather than “my child is struggling”.
EBSA and school distress: the idea that what’s labelled “emotionally based school avoidance” may often be better understood as school-based distress caused by the environment.
EHCP, PRU, managed moves: discussion of how systems and placements can unintentionally intensify difficulties when underlying needs aren’t properly supported.
Homework boundary strategy: allow a set time (eg 30–40 minutes), stop, then add a note stating how long your child worked and what they managed – so home and school evidence matches.
Martin Seligman’s work: shifting from global labels (“I’m rubbish at maths”) to specific struggle areas – and focusing praise on effort rather than grades.
Using AI as an accessibility tool: an example of simplifying language (eg menus) to support independence and reduce shame.
Why listen to this episode
Because it challenges a common (and tempting) assumption: “They’re in trouble because they’re choosing it.”Neil keeps pulling the lens back to systems, shame, and unmet needs – and that’s uncomfortable in a useful way. If you’re supporting a child who’s labelled disruptive, withdrawn, lazy, or “always in isolation”, this episode gives you language, framing, and next steps that are practical – not fluffy.
About Dr Neil Alexander-Passe
Dr Neil Alexander-Passe is a London-based teacher, researcher, author, and exam access assessor specialising in the emotional lived experience of learning differences. He completed a PhD in 2018 on dyslexia, traumatic schooling, and post-school success, and has published multiple peer-reviewed papers and books exploring dyslexia, ADHD, autism, trauma, and outcomes including the “school-to-prison pipeline”.
Featured / upcoming books mentioned
The Mind and Motivation of Neurodivergent Entrepreneurs (DIO Press).
Neil also mentions a forthcoming 2026 title on dyslexia, art, and school-based trauma (as discussed in the closing minutes of the episode).
Connect with Dr Neil Alexander-Passe
LinkedIn: Dr Neil Alexander-Passe
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