Able to Care

From Carer to Diagnosis: Michael Booth on Living with Young Onset Dementia

What happens when the person you once cared for… becomes the person you are?
In this deeply moving and insightful episode of the Able to Care podcast, host Andy Baker speaks with Michael Booth – dementia educator, author, and advocate – who brings a rare dual perspective to the conversation. Michael first cared for his mother, Christine, through young onset dementia. Then, just months after she passed away, he received the same diagnosis himself, at just 46 years old.
Now 51, Michael is defying expectations. He’s speaking out, mentoring others, and sharing his powerful message: dementia is not the end. This conversation challenges misconceptions about identity, memory, and diagnosis – and offers practical guidance for anyone supporting a loved one with dementia.
If you're a parent, teacher, or caregiver, this episode will help you better understand distress behaviours, communication, and how to stay present when everything feels uncertain.
📚 Resources Mentioned
📖 Dementia: You Are Not Alone by Michael Booth – Order on Amazon
🏥 Tees, Esk and Wear Valleys NHS Trust – Website
🌐 Able Training Podcast Archive – able-training.co.uk/podcast
💬 Three Key Messages
Dementia is not the end – A diagnosis does not erase who someone is.
Behaviour is communication – Even ‘aggression’ often signals distress, confusion, or unmet need.
Perspective matters – Understanding dementia through both the eyes of a carer and the person living with it changes everything.
⏱️ Timestamps & Chapters
00:00 – What if the person you cared for became you?
03:00 – What it feels like to live with dementia day to day
06:20 – Lessons from caring for his mum Christine
10:40 – Receiving his own diagnosis at 46
17:00 – What people get wrong about identity and dementia
22:00 – Can you still enjoy life after a dementia diagnosis?
26:00 – What really helps on a good day
30:00 – Writing Dementia: You Are Not Alone
36:00 – How services need to change
50:00 – If you’ve just had a diagnosis: Michael’s message to you
🎧 Why Listen to This Episode?
Gain insight into young onset dementia from both carer and lived experience
Understand how language, environment, and expectations shape support
Learn how to build emotional safety when words are lost but feelings remain
Be inspired by Michael’s resilience, clarity, and practical wisdom
This is a must-listen for anyone navigating dementia – professionally or personally.
🔗 Connect with Michael Booth
📘 Dementia: You Are Not Alone – Buy on Amazon
💼 Michael Booth on LinkedIn
🔗 Connect with Able Training & Podcast
🌐 Website & Podcast Hub
📸 Instagram - @AbleTraining
💼 LinkedIn - Able Training

When Dementia Looks Like Aggression: What Behaviour Is Really Saying & How to Respond

If you’ve ever supported someone living with dementia and been faced with shouting, swearing, hitting, or refusal of care, this episode is for you.
In this solo episode, Andy Baker unpacks one of the most misunderstood areas of dementia care: behaviour that looks aggressive but is almost always communication driven by distress. Drawing on years of experience in behaviour support, Andy helps caregivers, teachers, and parents move away from labels like “challenging” or “difficult” and instead understand what the behaviour is trying to say.
You’ll learn why dementia affects far more than memory, how fear, pain, confusion, trauma, overstimulation, and even poor care practice can drive behaviour — and most importantly, what to do in the moment. Andy shares a simple, practical three‑step response framework and language you can use immediately to de‑escalate situations while protecting your own wellbeing.
This episode is especially valuable for anyone feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or unsure whether they’re “handling things right”.
⏱️ Episode Chapters (Timestamps)
00:00 – Aggression or communication? Reframing behaviour in dementia00:49 – Why dementia affects personality, perception, and processing01:10 – Why behaviour becomes the fastest communication channel02:22 – Fight, flight, and the safety of saying “no”03:30 – From “challenging behaviour” to “distress behaviour”04:19 – Hidden drivers: pain, fear, trauma, overstimulation, under‑stimulation05:12 – When behaviour isn’t dementia — it’s poor care06:07 – A simple 3‑step response framework06:29 – Step 1: Pause, protect, and regulate yourself06:58 – Step 2: Scan for unmet needs (HELP model)07:31 – Step 3: Adjust, connect, and reduce distress08:13 – What to say when someone is frightened or overwhelmed09:05 – The HEART approach: Hear, Empathise, Align, Reassure, Transition10:26 – Why “calm down” doesn’t work10:51 – Caregiver regulation and burnout11:52 – The core message: behaviour is communication12:22 – Resource: Targeting the Positive
🧩 Three Key Takeaways
Aggression in dementia is rarely intentionalWhat looks like defiance or hostility is often a terrified brain trying to cope with confusion, pain, or fear.
Behaviour makes sense when you understand the contextDistress behaviours are often driven by unmet physical, emotional, cognitive, or environmental needs — not the diagnosis itself.
You can’t calm someone else if you’re dysregulatedSupporting distress starts with your own regulation. Compassionate care requires supported carers.
🛠️ Resources Mentioned
Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge by Andy BakerA practical, person‑centred guide to understanding and responding to distressed and dysregulated behaviour across dementia, trauma, neurodiversity, and mental health.Click here to find out more
🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?
You’re supporting someone with dementia and struggling with aggression, refusal, or distress
You want practical language and tools, not theory
You’re tired of feeling blamed, judged, or unsure
You want to support others without losing yourself
You believe behaviour has meaning — and want to understand it better
This episode offers reassurance, clarity, and immediately usable strategies grounded in empathy and realism.
🔗 Connect with Able
📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: Able Training

Live-In Care Explained – Why Families Are Choosing Home Over Care Homes

In this episode of the Able to Care Podcast, Andy is joined by Gary Derbyshire, live‑in care business owner and care advocate, for an honest and practical conversation about what live‑in care really looks like in everyday life.
Together, they unpack how live‑in care differs from domiciliary care and residential care homes, why it can be a powerful option for people living with dementia, learning difficulties, anxiety, or complex needs, and how it can dramatically reduce stress and burnout for unpaid family carers.
This episode is especially relevant for parents, teachers, and caregivers who are supporting someone vulnerable, feeling overwhelmed, or unsure what “the next step” should be. Gary shares real examples, clears up common fears, and explains how joined‑up, preventative support can protect dignity, independence, and wellbeing — for everyone involved.
🧠 What You’ll Learn in This Episode
What live‑in care actually is — explained in clear, human terms
How live‑in care compares to domiciliary care and residential care homes
Why familiarity, routine, and one‑to‑one support matter so much for people with dementia
How live‑in care can reduce guilt, burnout, and anxiety for unpaid carers
What families should ask before choosing any care provider
How joined‑up working with charities, NHS teams, and local services improves outcomes
⏱️ Episode Chapters (Timestamps)
00:01 – What is live‑in care? A simple explanation
03:07 – Live‑in care vs domiciliary care vs care homes
08:00 – Who live‑in care is (and isn’t) suitable for
11:24 – Cost, value, and funding options explained
17:21 – Common fears families have about live‑in care
27:14 – Practical first steps for families feeling overwhelmed
29:16 – What a live‑in carer actually does day‑to‑day
36:50 – Joined‑up care: working with NHS, charities, and community services
45:31 – Guilt, burnout, and becoming a daughter again (not just a carer)
48:26 – Questions families should ask any care provider
57:39 – Final takeaway: when to seriously consider live‑in care
🔑 Three Key Messages
Live‑in care is about dignity, not dependencyStaying at home, keeping routines, pets, relationships, and identity intact can dramatically improve emotional and psychological wellbeing.
Prevention matters more than crisis responseEarly support can prevent falls, hospital admissions, UTIs, medication errors, and carer burnout — protecting everyone long‑term.
Good care supports the whole family, not just the individualLive‑in care can help unpaid carers step out of constant responsibility and back into meaningful relationships.
📌 Resources & Organisations Mentioned
Promedica24 Live‑in Care👉 https://www.promedica24careathome.co.uk
Dementia Forward👉 https://www.dementiaforward.org.uk
Lancashire Mind👉 https://www.lancashiremind.org.uk
Care Quality Commission (CQC)👉 https://www.cqc.org.uk
Homecare.co.uk (provider reviews)👉 https://www.homecare.co.uk
🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?
If you’re:
Supporting a loved one with dementia, learning difficulties, or increasing vulnerability
Feeling exhausted, guilty, or unsure how long you can keep going
A professional wanting a clearer understanding of care pathways
Trying to make sense of confusing care options
…this episode offers clarity, reassurance, and realistic alternatives, without pressure or sales talk.
🤝 About the Guest
Gary Derbyshire runs Promedica24, delivering live‑in care across Lancashire, Yorkshire, and Cumbria.
With a background in NHS work, care advocacy, and community collaboration, Gary supports families navigating dementia, learning difficulties, and complex needs. He is known for his calm, empathetic approach and for building joined‑up support networks with organisations such as Dementia Forward, Lancashire Mind, and local services.
🔗 Connect With Gary
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gary-derbyshire-5b484240/
Instagram: @derbyshire.gary
Website: https://www.promedica24careathome.co.uk
🔗 Connect With Able
📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: Ablle-training.co.uk

Why 'Do As You’re Told' Doesn’t Work: Rethinking Challenging Behaviour

Why “just do as you’re told” doesn’t work — and what to do instead.
If you're a caregiver, teacher or parent exhausted by difficult behaviour, this episode is for you.
In this solo episode, Andy Baker (behaviour specialist, author, and trainer) challenges the outdated scripts we've inherited around control, punishment, and compliance — and shares a powerful mindset shift that actually works.
From his own story of being mugged at knifepoint to practical insights for managing aggression, defiance, or withdrawal, Andy explores how a person-centred, trauma-informed approach to behaviour support can improve outcomes for everyone — including you.
Whether you work in a care home, a classroom or your own home, this episode helps you move from reactivity to reflection, from “what’s wrong with you?” to “what’s going on for you?”
📚 Resources Mentioned:
Book: Targeting the Positive: With Behaviours That Challenge by Andy Baker
Able Training: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast
💡 Three Key Messages:
Challenging behaviour is subjective – what we find difficult often says more about us than the person we’re supporting.
Old logic harms connection – the “do as you’re told” mindset leads to fear, shutdown or escalation.
New logic builds trust – curiosity, empathy, and focusing on needs (not punishment) create better outcomes for everyone.
⏱️ Timestamps (Chapters):
00:00 – The problem with “just being difficult”
01:20 – Andy’s story: being mugged, fear, and the start of a career in behaviour
02:00 – What does “challenging behaviour” actually mean?
04:00 – Subjectivity, values, and why we label behaviour
06:00 – Task-focused vs. person-centred: why we get stuck
07:30 – The pause: learning to respond, not react
09:00 – From punishment to curiosity: the ‘new logic’ in behaviour
11:00 – The danger of “should” and “must” scripts
12:00 – Maladaptive vs. disliked behaviour
13:00 – The cultural lens: are our expectations even right?
14:00 – 3 mindset shifts to start using tomorrow
15:10 – How “Targeting the Positive” can help you become the weatherman of behaviour
🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?
If you’ve ever thought “why won’t they just behave?” — you’re not alone. This episode gives you a practical, mindset-shifting framework that moves beyond punishment and helps you better support children, adults, or anyone with distressed or confusing behaviour. It’s compassionate, empowering, and refreshingly honest.
🔗 Stay Connected:📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleTraining

No Home, No Care: The UK Housing Crisis Blocking Care Packages

What happens when a care package is approved... but there's no home for it to go into?
In this vital conversation, I’m joined by Ben Gyles, co-founder of Urban Nest Property Solutions and The Housing Partnership Forum, to tackle the growing gap between housing and care. Ben shares his personal connection to council housing, his work supporting care providers and councils, and how housing shortages and visa changes are creating a chokehold on care delivery across the UK.
Whether you’re a parent, teacher or caregiver, this episode sheds light on how stable, trauma-informed housing isn’t just about bricks and mortar – it’s about creating safety, healing and dignity for those we support.
🔑 Three Key Messages:
Care Needs a Roof: Housing is not just a backdrop to care delivery – it’s a fundamental part of it. Without suitable homes, care packages are delayed, disjointed or completely unworkable.
The System is Reacting, Not Planning: Providers, councils, and landlords are trapped in reactive firefighting. We need better communication, forward planning and strategic housing pipelines to meet future care needs.
Homes Can Heal: Trauma-informed environments matter. With insight from his partner, therapist Silvia Costa, Ben shares how thoughtful design can support mental wellbeing and long-term recovery.
⏱️ Timestamps (Chapters):
00:00 – What happens when care is approved, but there's nowhere to go?
02:00 – Delayed discharge and the £2bn cost of nowhere-to-go patients
05:00 – The impact of housing shortages on small care providers
10:00 – The missing link: communication breakdown between councils, landlords and providers
20:00 – How Urban Nest is bridging the gap with property pipelines
25:00 – Visa changes, staff shortages and housing as recruitment infrastructure
30:00 – How trauma-informed design transforms housing into healing
35:00 – Advice for caregivers and advocates struggling with housing support
40:00 – Behaviour, stability and the ripple effect of insecure housing on families and schools
45:00 – What councils and government could change today
50:00 – The Housing Partnership Forum – a new space for collaboration
📚 Resources Mentioned:
The Housing Partnership Forum: Join on LinkedIn
Ben & Silvia on LinkedIn: Ben and Silvia
Your Local Guardian Article: Urban Nest launched to save Croydon's forgotten homes
Targeting the Positive (Book) by Andy Baker: Find it on Amazon
🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?
If you work in care, education or support families in any way, this episode will challenge how you think about housing. Ben Gyles offers a fresh, solutions-focused perspective on how to overcome housing barriers in care – from planning better homes to understanding trauma-informed design. It’s a conversation packed with heart, real-world examples, and practical hope.
🔗 Connect with Us:
📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website:AbleTraining

Preventative Wellbeing: The Six C’s That Help People Thrive

In this powerful solo episode of Able to Care, Andy Baker – behaviour specialist, author, trainer and speaker – explores one of the most transformative frameworks in person-centred support: the Six C’s of Preventative Wellbeing.
Too often, we fight fires instead of fireproofing. Whether you're a parent trying to reduce meltdowns, a carer supporting someone in distress, or a teacher dealing with disengagement, this episode reframes the problem: It’s not just about reacting to behaviour – it’s about creating environments where the behaviour doesn’t need to happen.
Andy introduces the Six C’s – Comfort, Consistency, Connection, Choice, Competency, and Challenge – and explains how each one contributes to better outcomes for those we support, and for ourselves. Grounded in trauma-informed practice, psychological safety, and real-world experience, this model gives carers and professionals a clear, compassionate roadmap for prevention and wellbeing.
🤝 Sponsored by Carers Card UK
We're proud to be sponsored by Carers Card UK – the UK’s number one ID and discount card for unpaid and paid carers.
Started by two friends who knew carers deserved better, Carers Card UK gives you:
Discounts on everyday essentials, days out, gym memberships, and more
An official ID recognised by emergency services
A private wellbeing hub and Carers Circle app
All for less than the cost of a box of chocolates per year.
👉 Claim your Carers Card -  Order your card today
📚 Resources Mentioned
Targeting the Positive – Andy Baker’s book exploring proactive and person-centred behaviour support.
Able Training – The Target System – Learn more about the framework featured in this episode.
🗝️ Three Key Messages
Preventative wellbeing is proactive, not reactive. When we build safety, predictability, and purpose into environments, we reduce distress – and therefore, behaviour that challenges.
The Six C’s aren’t just theory – they’re culture. Comfort, Consistency, Connection, Choice, Competency, and Challenge must be embedded into everyday life, not just stuck on a poster.
You can’t thrive in fight-or-flight. Until people feel safe, they cannot learn, relate, or grow. Support must begin with emotional safety.
⏱️ Timestamps (Chapters)
00:00 – Why Firefighting Doesn’t Work
01:40 – The Six C’s Explained
02:53 – What is Preventative Wellbeing?
04:28 – Comfort: Psychological and Physical Safety
07:17 – Consistency: The Quiet Rhythm of Trust
09:49 – Connection: The Gateway to Regulation
11:11 – Choice: Autonomy and Dignity in Action
13:17 – Competency: Building Self-Esteem Through Mastery
15:11 – Challenge: Stretching Without Overwhelming
17:00 – How to Use the Six C’s in Practice
19:13 – From Compliance to Culture
19:50 – Final Thoughts and a Call to Reflect
🎧 Why Listen to This Episode?
You’re a parent who wants less shouting and more connection
You’re a teacher frustrated by behaviour but unsure what’s beneath it
You’re a carer trying to create calm, not just contain chaos
You’re a leader looking to reduce burnout and improve wellbeing
This episode helps you see support differently – not as a response to behaviour, but as an opportunity to shape it before it ever appears.
🔗 Connect With Us
📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk
 

Transforming School Behaviour and Culture with Fiona Booth

What happens when a headteacher leads not with policies, but with purpose? In this inspiring episode of the Able to Care podcast, behaviour specialist Andy Baker speaks with Fiona Booth, Headteacher at St Nicholas Church of England Primary Academy, a school recently featured by the BBC for its outstanding, relationship-driven approach to education.
With 12 years in leadership, Fiona shares how she rebuilt a “dark” school culture into one where every child—and adult—feels safe, seen and supported.
From tucking in shirts as a symbol of belonging to using data as a torch, not a hammer, Fiona’s message will resonate with caregivers, educators and parents navigating systems while trying to hold onto humanity.
This is an essential listen for anyone who believes behaviour is communication, and that education—and care—must start with connection.
💙 Sponsored by: Carers Card UK
This episode is proudly supported by Carers Card UK – the UK’s No.1 ID and discount card for unpaid and paid carers.
With Carers Card UK, you’ll get:
A trusted carer ID card
Discounts on gyms, glasses, clothing, days out, and more
Access to a wellbeing hub, Carers Circle, and supportive app
🎁 Get your exclusive Able to Care offer:👉 🎟️ Order your card today
🔗 Resources Mentioned:
Fiona Booth – Email
BBC Feature on St Nicholas CE Primary Academy (Feb 2025) (link to be added)
Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge by Andy Baker
Able Training Podcast Hub
💡 Three Key Messages:
Love is not soft—it’s structured.Compassion and boundaries are not opposites. They work best when they walk hand-in-hand.
Real behaviour change comes from consistency and culture.Building trust, not fear, leads to safer, stronger systems—for children and adults alike.
Every human being carries light.A school should be a lighthouse: guiding, warning, celebrating. When we see the light in others, they begin to see it in themselves.
⏱ Timestamps / Chapters:
00:00 – Introduction and Sponsor: Carers Card UK
01:40 – Meet Fiona Booth: Relationship-Centric Leadership
03:00 – What is a relationship-first school and why does it matter?
06:00 – Finding the untold stories behind behaviour
08:00 – How trauma-informed leadership reshapes whole school culture
11:00 – Building trust, not compliance, with staff and students
14:00 – Stories of real transformation: from despair to belonging
18:00 – The 'shine' philosophy and embracing every child’s light
22:00 – Rethinking data: Is it a hammer or a torch?
28:00 – Boundaries, belief and building expectations
34:00 – Being a lead learner: How Fiona models continual growth
39:00 – Music, movement and joy as staff wellbeing strategies
44:00 – What Ofsted and the DfE miss about real behaviour change
48:00 – Gratitude journals, emotional literacy and peer celebration
53:00 – Culture-shifting through connection, one moment at a time
56:00 – Final stories: Why this work really matters
01:05:00 – What drives Fiona on hard days
🎯 Why Listen to This Episode:
Discover how to build compassion-led culture in any school or care setting
Learn why vulnerability is a strength in leadership, not a weakness
Explore how boundaries + empathy create safety
Be inspired by real-life stories of hope, healing and transformation
Gain tools to help you connect before you correct in behaviour support
If you're a parent, teacher, caregiver—or anyone supporting people through challenges—this episode offers emotional insight and practical hope.
📲 Stay Connected:
🎧 Listen to all episodes: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast📘 Andy’s Book – Targeting the Positive: Buy on Amazon💳 Carers Card UK Offer:  🎟️ Order your card today
📱 Follow Able Training:
📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk

The Hidden Power of Language in Care, Teaching and Parenting

Have you ever said, “Be quiet,” or “Stop crying,” and meant well — but noticed it shut things down rather than opened them up?In this solo episode of the Able to Care podcast, Andy Baker (behaviour specialist, trainer, author, and speaker) explores how everyday language used in care, education, and family life can either build trust or break it.
Aimed at caregivers, educators, and parents, this thought-provoking episode shows how subtle shifts in language can transform your connection with the people you support — from young children to adults.
This isn’t about being “soft.” It’s about being smart with your words. Learn how to move from control to connection, from correction to collaboration.
💙 Sponsored by: Carers Card UK
The Able to Care podcast is proudly supported by Carers Card UK, the UK’s leading recognition and rewards platform for carers.
With Carers Card UK, you’ll get:
A trusted ID card for emergency reassurance
Discounts on gyms, shops, holidays, glasses, and more
Access to a Wellbeing Hub, Carers Circle tool, and supportive app community
🎁 All of this for less than the cost of a box of chocolates.👉 Claim your exclusive offer &  Order your card today
📚 Resources Mentioned:
Andy’s book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge
Podcast hub: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast
💡 Three Key Messages:
The way we phrase things shapes behaviour and safety.Language can either escalate or regulate, build bridges or burn them.
Small changes in words lead to big changes in connection.Replacing “stop crying” with “I’m here for you” invites trust and emotional safety.
Words don’t just describe reality — they create it.From praising effort to setting boundaries with kindness, your language teaches people how safe they are and how capable they can become.
⏱️ Timestamps / Chapters:
00:00 – Introduction: Why the words we use matter
00:43 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK
01:50 – Connection vs control: The impact of phrases like “Stop crying”
02:14 – How language reflects mindset and changes how others see themselves
03:12 – Language as emotional regulation and safety cue
04:44 – Trauma-informed language: Validating vs dismissing distress
05:49 – Replacing correction with collaboration
06:36 – Building a growth mindset with words
07:53 – Avoiding minimisation: Why “it’s not that hard” can harm
08:28 – Reframing “mess” and “behaviour” in play and exploration
09:38 – The principle of positive phrasing: Say what you want to see
10:19 – The TARGET model: How to reflect and shift language patterns
11:14 – Final thought: Every word is a seed — plant safety, not fear
🎯 Why Listen to This Episode:
You’ll gain practical, everyday language swaps that calm instead of escalate
You’ll reflect on your own communication habits and how they shape behaviour
You’ll understand how trust and safety are built one phrase at a time
You’ll be better equipped to help children or adults feel seen, heard and respected
If you’re a parent, teacher, carer, or support worker, this episode will leave you thinking differently about what you say — and why it matters.
📲 Stay Connected:
📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk

Silence Your Inner Critic: Mindful Self-Compassion for Caregivers (with Kathryn Lovewell)

In this episode of the Able to Care podcast, behaviour specialist Andy Baker is joined by Kathryn Lovewell, founder of Kind Mind Academy, award-winning speaker, and best-selling author of The Little Book of Self-Compassion, The Voices in My Head, and Every Teacher Matters.
Together, they explore how self-compassion isn’t soft—it’s essential. Drawing on Kathryn’s experience working across schools, prisons, foster care, and families, they unpack the power of mindful self-compassion in daily life, especially for those in support roles.
Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or carer feeling stretched thin, this conversation offers something rare: permission to be kind to yourself—and practical steps to start today.
💙 Sponsored by: Carers Card UK
We’re proudly supported by Carers Card UK, the UK's leading carers recognition and discount scheme.
For just a few pounds a year, carers get:
Trusted ID card for peace of mind
Discounts on gyms, clothing, glasses, and days out
Access to a wellbeing hub, Carers Circle tool, and community app
🎁 Get your exclusive Able to Care discount now:👉 carerscarduk.co.uk/promo-code/abletocare
🔗 Resources Mentioned:
Free community: The Booster Way Community
Kathryn on LinkedIn: Kathryn Lovewell
Instagram: @theboosterway
Kathryn’s books:
The Voices in My Head
The Little Book of Self-Compassion
Every Teacher Matters
Andy’s book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge
Podcast hub: able-training.co.uk/podcast
💡 Three Key Messages:
Self-compassion isn't self-indulgent—it's essential.For carers and educators, kindness to ourselves fuels how well we care for others.
We pass on our inner dialogue.Children and young people absorb how we speak to ourselves as much as how we speak to them.
Start small, stay consistent.Rewiring our inner voice takes time, but small acts of self-kindness each day create lasting change.
⏱️ Timestamps / Chapters:
00:00 – Intro: The power of how we speak to ourselves
01:42 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK
02:00 – Meet Kathryn Lovewell and her journey into self-compassion
05:00 – Understanding the inner critic and “Crusher” vs “Booster”
10:30 – Why self-compassion is so hard but so necessary
15:20 – How changing our inner voice transforms relationships
20:00 – Recognising signs of emotional depletion and burnout
28:00 – A guided Self-Compassion Break exercise
35:00 – The Booster Way: Building emotional language in families
42:00 – Creating a culture of compassion in schools and homes
47:00 – Modeling healthy self-talk for children
52:00 – Practical ways to calm and regulate during tough moments
56:00 – Busting the myth: Self-care isn’t selfish
59:00 – Final message: No one needs to suffer alone
🎯 Why Listen to This Episode:
You’ll learn practical tools for calming the inner critic
You’ll hear powerful real-life stories from education and parenting
You’ll walk away with a new language to share compassion with your children and yourself
You’ll discover why modeling emotional wellbeing is the most effective teaching tool of all
This is an episode for anyone who’s ever said, “I just don’t have time for self-care.” You do—and Kathryn Lovewell shows you how to make it count.
📲 Stay Connected:
The Able Hub: www.ablehub.uk 
Andy Baker’s Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge
📱 Follow Us:
📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk

The Cost of Submissive Behaviour: When Quiet Isn’t Calm

In today’s solo episode, behaviour specialist and author Andy Baker shines a light on one of the most overlooked behavioural patterns in care and education: submissive behaviour.
When someone is compliant, quiet, or “no trouble at all,” we often assume they’re fine. But beneath the surface, they may be masking distress, emotionally shutting down, or building up stress that will eventually erupt elsewhere.
This episode is essential listening for teachers, parents, and caregivers who want to truly understand the people they support—not just by what they do, but what they hide.
Andy explores the cost of emotional suppression, the danger of unseen stress, and how to spot when “quiet” is actually a cry for help. If you support someone who’s “easy,” “shy,” or never says no—this episode could change everything.
💙 Sponsored by: Carers Card UK
We’re proudly supported by Carers Card UK – the UK’s No.1 carers discount and ID service.
For less than the price of a box of chocolates a year, you get:
A trusted carer ID card
Discounts on gyms, glasses, days out, clothing, and tech
Access to a wellbeing hub and carers’ community app
🎁 Claim your Able to Care exclusive offer:👉 carerscarduk.co.uk/promocode/abletocare
🔗 Resources Mentioned:
Andy Baker’s Book – Targeting the Positive
www.able-training.co.uk/podcast
💡 Three Key Messages:
Quietness is not always calm—sometimes it’s a trauma response.People may mask distress by appearing agreeable, passive, or withdrawn. It’s not comfort—it’s survival.
Submissive behaviour is costly—physically and emotionally.When emotions are repressed long-term, it can lead to chronic anxiety, burnout, and even trauma.
Psychological safety allows people to show their true selves.Whether at home, school, or in care, we must create environments where people feel safe to say “no” and express emotion without fear of judgment.
⏱️ Timestamps / Chapters:
00:00 – Introduction: The myth of the “quiet, good one”
02:05 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK
03:00 – Why compliant behaviour often masks distress
05:00 – What is masking, and why does it drain emotional energy?
06:00 – The physiology of freeze and submit
07:00 – The Coke bottle analogy: When pressure builds up
08:00 – Why meltdowns happen at home, not school
10:00 – How quietness can be a trauma response
11:00 – How disassociation shows up in care and education settings
12:00 – Spotting the signs: the cost of never saying “no”
14:00 – Why we must reframe “no” as a healthy boundary
15:00 – Masking exhaustion and emotional burnout
16:00 – A story of hidden pain in a school toilet
17:00 – Practical signs to look out for
18:00 – Supporting safe expression and psychological safety
20:00 – What schools and services can do better
22:00 – Self-erasure vs. authentic self-expression
24:00 – The final message: Notice, name, and nurture the quiet ones
🎯 Why Listen to This Episode:
If you’ve ever worked with or raised someone who “never causes trouble,” this episode might completely shift your perspective.
You’ll learn:
Why submissive behaviour can be more dangerous than defiance
How stress builds when there’s no outlet for emotion
What to watch out for in “easy” children or quiet clients
How to build safe, trusting environments where true feelings can be expressed
This is a must-listen for teachers, parents, support workers, foster carers, and social care staff who want to offer truly person-centred care and connection—not just good behaviour on the surface.
📲 Connect with Able Training:
🎧 Listen to all episodes: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast📘 Andy’s book: Targeting the Positive: With Behaviours That Challenge💳 Carers Card UK Offer: carerscarduk.co.uk/promo-code/abletocare
📱 Follow Able Training:
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