Able to Care

When Honesty Hurts: Connection Before Correction in Dementia Care

In this solo episode, Andy explores one of the most painful dilemmas in dementia care: When someone repeatedly asks for a loved one who has died, is telling the truth always the kindest thing to do? Using the scenario of Margaret – a woman living with dementia who searches anxiously for her husband – Andy explains why connection before correction is essential not only in dementia care, but also in parenting, teaching, trauma-responsive work, and supporting distressed adults.
Through real scenarios and practical tools, Andy unpacks what distress really looks like, why a nervous system in panic cannot process facts, and how small relational shifts can reduce anxiety, prevent escalation, and build trust.Perfect for unpaid carers, family members, teachers, support workers and care-home staff, this episode gives you a compassionate roadmap for responding to distress without shame, fear or accidental cruelty.
🔗 Resources Mentioned
Able Target System – Behaviour support framework for consistent, compassionate responses.
Adaptive Carer Model – Care roles and strategies for dementia support.
Andy’s Blog & Podcast Episodes on connection, communication, and behaviour.
Training & Courses via Able Training: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
✨ Three Key Messages
1. “Honesty” isn’t always kind – impact matters more than intention.
Correcting someone with dementia can recreate the pain of bereavement again and again. Emotional truth often protects dignity better than factual accuracy.
2. Connection before correction is not optional – it’s the intervention.
Whether in care homes, schools or families, a dysregulated nervous system cannot absorb logic. Safety first, facts later.
3. Behaviour is communication, not defiance.
A person calling out for Teddy may be expressing fear, loneliness, confusion or sensory overload – not seeking information. Respond to the need, not just the question.
⏱️ Timestamps – Chapter Guide
00:00 – The emotional dilemma“Where’s my husband?” – is honesty kind or cruel?
00:20 – Why dementia changes how truth landsPainful reminders can hit like repeated fresh bereavements.
00:43 – Introducing Margaret’s storyAnxiety, wandering, sensory triggers, and the search for Teddy.
01:17 – Why people still reorientate bluntlyTraining gaps, new staff, overwhelmed families, and assumptions.
01:54 – Intent vs impactMalice isn’t the issue – misunderstanding is.
02:39 – Honesty is contextualFrom Anne Frank to dementia care – when honesty can harm.
03:10 – Therapeutic truthBest-interest-led communication rather than literal accuracy.
03:50 – Capacity, reactions and emotional patternsHow to judge whether reminding helps or harms.
04:41 – Connection before correctionEmpathy, grounding, validating feelings, calming the nervous system.
05:10 – What is Teddy really representing?Loneliness? Safety? Confusion? Emotional needs beneath the question.
05:40 – Why logic doesn’t reach a distressed brainAmygdala activation, panic, and the need for co-regulation.
06:25 – Prevention matters more than crisis managementNoise, environment, routine, familiarity and reducing triggers.
07:14 – Emotional availability in careSlow steps, calm tone, small choices, predictable routines.
07:55 – Walking, redirecting & environment shiftsPractical ways to settle a distressed person.
08:14 – Using these principles beyond dementiaSchools, parenting, foster care, trauma, and dysregulated children.
09:03 – Why “I told you already” makes things worseEmotional orientation beats factual orientation every time.
09:58 – Trauma, time-travel and stress responsesWhy distressed behaviour isn’t disrespect or defiance.
10:40 – The risk of confrontationWhen challenging a belief creates threat rather than clarity.
11:20 – The big takeawayConnection isn’t a technique – it is the intervention.
11:54 – Tools you can use: Able Target System & Adaptive Carer ModelHow to structure responses without increasing power struggles.
💡 Why Listen to This Episode?
This episode is for you if:
You support someone with dementia and feel stuck between “being honest” and “being kind”.
You work in education or care and want trauma-informed communication tools.
You’re a parent struggling with repeated questions, meltdowns or emotional overwhelm.
You want practical, compassion-first strategies that genuinely reduce distressed behaviours.
You want to understand why logic fails when emotions run high – and what works instead.
If you’re tired, overwhelmed or worrying that you’re “getting it wrong”, this episode brings clarity, relief and concrete steps you can use immediately.
📲 Connect with Able to Care & Able Training
Podcast Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast

Small Changes That Reduce Dementia Risk - with Michelle Reshef-Ash

In this powerful and reassuring conversation, Andy speaks with Michelle Reshef-Ash, CEO of Dementia Prevention UK and a PhD researcher at University College London, whose work bridges cutting-edge research with real-world, accessible dementia-prevention support for families and communities.
This episode unpacks the big questions that parents, teachers, carers and support workers ask every day:
Can dementia really be prevented?
How much do genes matter?
What small changes genuinely make a difference when real life is busy, stressful or overwhelming?
How do we talk about dementia without shame, fear or blame?
Michelle offers clear, compassionate science, practical habit-building tools, and an honest look at the inequalities that shape people’s opportunities for good brain health. From supporting overstretched carers, to helping underserved communities, to empowering people in their 40s, 50s and beyond to take realistic steps – this conversation gives you hope without hype, and guidance without guilt.
If you support others – or simply want to protect your own long-term wellbeing – this episode is packed with insight you can use today.
🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned
Dementia Prevention UK – workshops, programmes and community tools: https://dementiapreventionuk.com/
Michelle Reshef-Ash (LinkedIn): https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-reshef-ash/
NHS App – track blood tests and biomarkers
Topics discussed: Alzheimer’s gene APOE4, biomarker checks (vitamin D, cholesterol, BP), COM-B behaviour-change model, epigenetics, movement for mood, social connection benefits.
✨ Three Key Messages
1. Dementia prevention is about lowering risk, not promising certainty.
The aim isn’t perfection – it’s improving quality of life and reducing vulnerability through realistic, sustainable habits.
2. Your opportunities shape your health as much as your motivation.
People in underserved or stressful environments aren’t lacking willpower – they’re often lacking accessible, safe and affordable options.
3. Caregivers don’t need more pressure – they need compassion, boundaries and support.
For carers, the most protective “brain health habit” is reducing self-blame and prioritising emotional wellbeing.
⏱️ Timestamps – Chapter Guide
00:00 – Welcome & setting the sceneStorms, virtual chats and the big question: can dementia be prevented?
00:43 – Can dementia be prevented?Why prevention really means risk reduction – and why honest language matters.
02:13 – Understanding statistics & common misconceptions“My grandmother smoked till 96” – why anecdotes aren’t evidence.
02:43 – What does a brain-healthy life actually look like?Realistic habits, not Instagram wellness.
03:50 – Why brain health matters beyond dementiaQuality of life, resilience, sleep, routine and long-term wellbeing.
04:39 – The dangers of “miracle cures” & misleading claimsSmoothies, apps, supplements – and why humility is essential in brain science.
07:30 – Genetics, family history & the boat analogyWhy having a gene increases risk but doesn’t seal your fate.
09:27 – Biomarkers everyone should checkBlood pressure, cholesterol, vitamin D, iron levels – and why.
11:55 – Medication, risk and honest conversations with your GPHow to explore alternatives safely.
13:42 – Dementia prevention also lowers other health risksCardiovascular, diabetes, obesity, depression, anxiety.
16:53 – Seasons of life & being kind to yourselfWhy behaviour change isn’t linear and shouldn’t be guilt-driven.
18:14 – The first three changes that give the biggest payoffMovement, social connection, and reducing alcohol.
21:24 – Sleep, routine and tiny habit anchorsWhy predictability matters more than perfection.
25:59 – Habits come in groupsHow one small change often triggers others.
27:34 – Behaviour change without “just” or shameWhy language matters when encouraging new habits.
28:47 – Dementia prevention in underserved communitiesBarriers, opportunities and the reality of daily stress.
32:47 – Affordable changes for real familiesCarrots, frozen veg, safe walking groups, social support.
36:27 – Supporting exhausted carersCompassion, boundaries, self-forgiveness and mental health as prevention.
40:57 – The importance of being known to servicesWhy families should contact charities & social services early.
42:49 – Is it too late for older adults?Never. Change always helps – at any age.
47:22 – What changes when people understand their brainMovement, medication review, mindset shifts, empowerment.
51:36 – Memory lapses, panic and early warning signsThe “Which D?” rule – Dementia, Depression, Vitamin D.
58:31 – Changing the conversation in families, schools & workplacesFrom fear to empowerment.
1:00:39 – The one kind step to take this weekBook a GP appointment and be honest about your fears.
💡 Why Listen to This Episode?
This episode is essential if you:
Support someone with dementia or fear a diagnosis yourself.
Work in education, care or community settings where brain health matters.
Want practical, culturally aware, non-judgemental guidance.
Feel overwhelmed, tired or guilty about your lifestyle and want realistic steps.
Want to understand how trauma, stress, inequality and opportunity shape health.
Need reassurance that it’s never too late to make meaningful change.
Michelle brings depth without doom, hope without false promises, and compassion without judgement.
📲 Connect with Michelle
Website: https://dementiapreventionuk.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-reshef-ash/
Email: michelle.reshef@dementiapreventionuk.com
📲 Connect with Able to Care & Able Training
Podcast Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast

Why Children Steal, Hide or Hoard: The Real Story Behind ‘Difficult’ Behaviour

In this solo episode, behaviour specialist Andy Baker explores one powerful scenario that reveals the truth behind so many so-called “challenging behaviours”: they are not defiance, manipulation or greed – they’re survival strategies built in the past and carried into the present. Whether you’re a foster carer, teacher, parent, support worker or dementia practitioner, this episode gives you a clear lens for understanding why people repeat behaviours that no longer fit their current environment, and how we can respond with curiosity rather than judgement.
Andy breaks down his motivation climate framework – unmet need, stress, and strategy – and shows how meeting needs and reducing fear leads to safer, calmer, more adaptive behaviour. You’ll hear real examples, practical steps, and trauma-informed approaches that work across education, care settings, parenting, learning disability support and dementia care.
🔗 Resources Mentioned
Andy’s Book – “Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge”A practical guide exploring the Six-Stage TARGET model and the Able Target System.
Able Target System – A trauma-informed, strengths-based behaviour support framework used across care, education and family settings.
Atomic Habits – James Clear (Referenced concept: making habits obvious, easy, attractive and rewarding.)
🔑 Three Key Messages
1. Behaviour is a strategy, not a character flaw.
Before reacting, ask: What need is unmet? What fear is present? What strategy kept them safe in the past?
2. Safety, certainty and control drive more behaviour than consequences ever will.
When we remove shame and build predictability, behaviour improves because fear reduces.
3. Real change happens when we make old behaviours unnecessary, not when we punish them.
Meeting needs, reducing stress and offering adaptive alternatives creates lasting change.
⏱️ Timestamps (Chapter Guide)
00:00 – The misunderstood behaviour: stealing foodWhy survival strategies look like “bad behaviour”.
00:25 – Introducing the scenario: Claire’s storyHow early neglect shapes unconscious responses long after safety returns.
01:28 – Yesterday’s logic vs today’s logicWhy children (and adults) don’t simply “turn off” old coping strategies.
02:04 – The danger of labels and assumptionsGreedy, manipulative, controlling? Or scared, uncertain and adapting?
02:48 – Confirmation bias in behaviour supportWhen we decide the narrative too early, we start hunting for evidence to support it.
03:38 – Andy’s Motivation Climate ModelUnmet need → Stress → Strategy (adaptive or maladaptive).
04:48 – Why some maladaptive behaviours were once perfectly adaptiveContext is everything. Behaviour makes sense in the world it was born in.
05:47 – Proactive strategies that actually workMeeting needs, reducing stress, adding predictability, offering safe control.
06:39 – Reducing shame triggersWhy calling out, teasing or “catching them in the act” backfires dramatically.
07:59 – Adding friction, not punishmentSmall adjustments that turn unhelpful habits into less appealing options.
09:11 – Broadening the lens across settingsSchools: pencil stealing, avoidance, reassurance seekingParenting: sneaking food, lyingAdult care: swapping items for certaintyDementia: rummaging, packing, hiding items
10:06 – The key question: how do we make the behaviour unnecessary?Stopping isn’t enough – replacing is essential.
11:01 – Atomic habits and behaviour changeMake the new behaviour easy, obvious, attractive and rewarding.
11:48 – The Able Target SystemHow to apply these principles across any care or education environment.
🎧 Why Listen to This Episode?
This episode is for you if:
You’re tired of behaviour being labelled “naughty”, “attention seeking”, or “manipulative”.
You want a trauma-informed way to interpret actions before reacting.
You support children or adults with histories of neglect, trauma, learning disability or dementia.
You want practical, compassionate strategies that actually reduce behaviours rather than suppress them.
You want to improve connection, safety and trust in your home, classroom or service.
You will walk away with a new way of thinking – one that brings empathy, clarity and confidence to the most confusing behaviours.
📲 Connect with Able to Care & Able Training
Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast

The School-to-Prison Pipeline & Neurodiversity – What Schools Miss with Dr Neil Alexander-Passe

If you’re a parent, teacher, or caregiver wondering “Why is this child always in trouble at school?” this conversation will land. Dr Neil Alexander-Passe – teacher, researcher, exam access assessor, and author – unpacks what schools often misread in neurodivergent behaviour (dyslexia, ADHD, autism), why “naughty” can be a disguised help request, and how shame, repeated failure, and isolation-style discipline can build school-based trauma. You’ll also hear practical steps for spotting needs early, how to push for screening and support, and how simple shifts (like not doing your child’s homework for them) can create the evidence schools can’t ignore. Neil also connects the dots to the “school-to-prison pipeline” – not as scare-mongering, but as a systems warning and a call for earlier, wiser intervention.
Chapter timestamps (for easy listening)
00:00 – Why neurodivergent children are “always in trouble” at school
03:10 – The three groups teachers often see: “naughty”, “quiet”, and “middle”
05:33 – What school feels like from the inside with dyslexia and ADHD: shame, threat, learned helplessness
12:52 – “School-to-prison pipeline” explained in plain terms
13:52 – Hidden literacy needs and prison systems that assume reading and writing
19:06 – What adults misread: disruptive behaviour as a masked request for help
22:40 – EBSA, school distress, and why “avoidance” can be the wrong frame
31:22 – Homework: why doing it for your child backfires – and what to do instead
34:59 – Language that shapes mindset: grades vs effort, global labels vs specific feedback
38:19 – Practical screening clues: early signs of dyslexia, ADHD, and autism
44:05 – Rebuilding identity after “I’m stupid” / “I’m the bad kid”: strengths, passions, and the right tutor
47:25 – Post-school success: neurodivergent strengths, entrepreneurship, and support networks (including AI tools)
52:09 – A message for exhausted teachers: ask “why” before punishment
54:26 – Hope: inclusion awareness and the changing role of SENCOs
56:16 – Parent takeaway: don’t wait, raise concerns early, and don’t be pushed into removing your child
57:55 – Mainstream vs specialist provision, EHCP realities, and why Year 5 timing matters
01:04:12 – Neil’s upcoming books (including neurodivergent entrepreneurs)
Three key messages
Behaviour is often communication – and “naughty” can be a child protecting themselves.Avoidance, clowning, shutdowns, and meltdowns can be self-protection when work feels impossible or humiliating.
Early identification beats late consequences.Neil argues primary school is the best window for meaningful observation and support – because secondary systems can become too fragmented to “see” the child properly.
Stop feeding shame – in school and at home.Public failure, isolation-style discipline, and “I’m rubbish at…” language create learned helplessness. Specific feedback, effort-focused praise, and strengths-based identity building can change trajectories.
Resources mentioned in the conversation
Screeners and early identification: Neil recommends parents do their own initial research and use screeners for dyslexia, ADHD, and autism, then push the school with something concrete rather than “my child is struggling”.
EBSA and school distress: the idea that what’s labelled “emotionally based school avoidance” may often be better understood as school-based distress caused by the environment.
EHCP, PRU, managed moves: discussion of how systems and placements can unintentionally intensify difficulties when underlying needs aren’t properly supported.
Homework boundary strategy: allow a set time (eg 30–40 minutes), stop, then add a note stating how long your child worked and what they managed – so home and school evidence matches.
Martin Seligman’s work: shifting from global labels (“I’m rubbish at maths”) to specific struggle areas – and focusing praise on effort rather than grades.
Using AI as an accessibility tool: an example of simplifying language (eg menus) to support independence and reduce shame.
Why listen to this episode
Because it challenges a common (and tempting) assumption: “They’re in trouble because they’re choosing it.”Neil keeps pulling the lens back to systems, shame, and unmet needs – and that’s uncomfortable in a useful way. If you’re supporting a child who’s labelled disruptive, withdrawn, lazy, or “always in isolation”, this episode gives you language, framing, and next steps that are practical – not fluffy.
About Dr Neil Alexander-Passe
Dr Neil Alexander-Passe is a London-based teacher, researcher, author, and exam access assessor specialising in the emotional lived experience of learning differences. He completed a PhD in 2018 on dyslexia, traumatic schooling, and post-school success, and has published multiple peer-reviewed papers and books exploring dyslexia, ADHD, autism, trauma, and outcomes including the “school-to-prison pipeline”.
Featured / upcoming books mentioned
The Mind and Motivation of Neurodivergent Entrepreneurs (DIO Press).
Neil also mentions a forthcoming 2026 title on dyslexia, art, and school-based trauma (as discussed in the closing minutes of the episode).
Connect with Dr Neil Alexander-Passe
LinkedIn: Dr Neil Alexander-Passe
Follow Able to Care / Able Training
🌐 Podcast hub: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast  📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training 📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: Able Training 📲 LinkedIn: Andy Baker

Restorative Practice That Works: How to Debrief After Difficult Behaviour

In this solo episode, behaviour specialist and author Andy Baker unpacks one of the most overlooked parts of behaviour support: what happens after the incident. Whether you’re working in a school, supporting adults in care, or navigating tough moments at home, the post-incident debrief is often where the real growth happens – yet most settings rush it, avoid it, or unintentionally turn it into another punishment.
Andy breaks down why restorative conversations fail when done too soon, too harshly, or with the wrong focus, and offers a simple, practical framework for debriefing that protects dignity, reduces shame, builds connection and genuinely improves future behaviour. This episode is essential listening for caregivers, parents, teachers, support workers and anyone navigating distress or dysregulation in others.
🧰 Resources Mentioned
Andy's Book – Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That ChallengeA practical guide featuring the full Six-Stage TARGET Model and the PERFORM Debrief Framework.(Listeners are directed to the link in your episode description.)
Able Target System – Trauma-informed, restorative, person-centred behaviour support framework embedded throughout Andy’s training and consultancy.
🔑 Three Key Messages
Debriefing is learning, not punishment.If all we take from an incident is a report form and a bruise, we’ve wasted pain that could have become insight.
Restorative practice only works when shame is removed.When people feel heard, their brain reopens to learning. When they feel shamed, reflection shuts down.
Boundaries and humanity belong together.Restorative approaches don’t remove limits – they strengthen them by pairing accountability with connection.
⏱️ Chapter Timestamps
00:00 – Why debriefing matters more than we thinkThe hidden stage most settings skip – and why outcomes suffer when they do.
00:24 – Where schools, care services and parents go wrongCommon mistakes: retraumatising conversations, shame responses, and “confession-based” debriefs.
01:14 – Learning from incidents: the fire analogyWhy incident forms aren’t enough without meaningful reflection.
02:23 – Why we avoid debriefsShame, fear of judgement, time pressures and the myth that “they won’t learn anyway”.
03:33 – Punishment vs restorative learningWhy consequences don’t automatically create insight.
04:12 – Supporting the adults tooThe emotional impact on staff and caregivers – and what reflective practice should include.
05:26 – The PERFORM Debrief ScriptA step-by-step walkthrough:
P – Prepare
E – Explore the story
R – Reflect on feelings and needs
F – Feedback on impact
O – Ownership through repair
R – Responsibility for next time
M – Map the future
08:53 – A real-life story: shouting match avoidedHow one parent transformed a tense evening into connection through the right questions.
10:18 – Why shouting never teaches what we think it doesFear creates compliance, not growth.
12:14 – The true purpose of restorative practiceConnection, rehearsal, emotional safety and future-proofing behaviour.
13:34 – Behaviour is like the weatherHow to become the “behaviour weatherman” through the TARGET model and emotional insight.
🎧 Why Listen to This Episode?
This episode will help you if:
You want to repair relationships after meltdowns, crises or confrontations.
You support children or adults who experience overwhelm or dysregulation.
You feel stuck repeating the same incidents without seeing change.
You want a script, not just theory.
You’re trying to build a culture of safety, dignity and accountability.
If you’re a parent, teacher, care worker, foster carer, SENCO, TA, support worker or leader in education or care, this episode will give you grounded, real-world tools to use today.
📲 Connect with Able to Care & Able Training
Podcast Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast

Future Care Made Simple: Vicky Jones on Planning Before Crisis Hits

What if preparing for the future wasn’t morbid… but empowering?In this episode, I sit down with Vicky Jones, founder of Ourlives, former social care director, mum of two, and someone who learned early in life that everything can change with a single knock at the door. Drawing on 25 years in health and social care, her own ADHD diagnosis, sobriety journey, and the sudden loss of her father, Vicky is on a mission to stop people waiting for crisis before taking action.
Whether you’re a paid carer, an unpaid family caregiver, a teacher supporting overwhelmed families, or a parent trying to balance your own future alongside your children’s, this conversation offers something essential: clarity, calm, and a roadmap for what so many people avoid thinking about until it’s too late.
We unpack why people discount their future selves, the emotional blocks that stop families having conversations they desperately need, and the key steps every adult should take long before aging, illness or caring responsibilities hit.
🌐 Resources & Links Mentioned
Ourlives – Future planning community & toolsWebsite: https://www.ourlivesapp.comLife Audit (free questionnaire): Add link once live
Connect with Vicky JonesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/victoria-jones-2906ab83Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ourlivesappTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@ourlivesappEmail: vicky@corvidaejones.com
💡 Three Key Messages
1. Preparing for the future isn’t pessimistic — it’s an act of self-care and family care.
Most stress in care comes from not having conversations early enough. LPAs, wills, emergency planning and simple life admin can drastically reduce burden later.
2. People don’t delay planning because they’re careless — they delay because it’s emotional.
Fear, denial, “it won’t happen to me”, and the belief that discussing illness tempts fate keep families stuck. Awareness and empathy with your future self break the cycle.
3. You can’t support others well if you're constantly firefighting.
Caregivers deserve tools, community, and a roadmap. Being prepared isn’t morbid—it's protective, empowering and allows you to respond rather than react.
⏱️ Timestamps / Chapter Guide
00:00 – 04:00 | The knock at the door that changed everythingVicky’s father dies at 44, creating a lifelong awareness that life can shift instantly.
04:00 – 10:00 | From frontline care worker to director — and still frustratedWhy the system can’t catch everyone, and why prevention matters more than ever.
10:00 – 17:00 | Why we avoid planning: fear, denial and “future self discounting”Understanding the psychology behind avoidance.
17:00 – 24:00 | The Ourlives Life Audit – a simple tool for complex futuresHow to assess your own future readiness across health, finance, risk and care.
24:00 – 32:00 | The biggest stressor families overlook: Lasting Power of AttorneyWhy next of kin means nothing legally and how failing to plan affects everyone.
32:00 – 40:00 | Conversations that families avoid — and how to finally start themHow to talk to partners, parents and adult children without overwhelm.
40:00 – 48:00 | The emotional load of caregiving and the importance of communityWhy carers need support systems, not just instructions.
48:00 – End | What success looks like for Ourlives and for societyA vision of empowered adults, prepared families and emotionally mature conversations.
🎧 Why Listen to This Episode?
You’re caring for someone now – or suspect you will be.
You’re juggling children, aging parents and work and feel spread thin.
You want to understand legal and practical steps (LPA, wills, planning) without the jargon.
You avoid thinking about the future because it triggers anxiety or uncertainty.
You want to protect your family from preventable stress later.
You support people professionally and want to understand the systemic issues behind crisis care.
This episode makes a difficult topic human, honest and genuinely hopeful. It gives you language for conversations, tools for planning, and empathy for your future self.
🔗 Connect With Able Training
Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/ 
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience 
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ 
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast 

What Is Positive Behaviour Support PBS ? Real-life examples and practical insights

If you’ve ever felt like you’ve “tried everything” with a child or adult showing distressing behaviour—this episode is for you. In this solo episode, Andy Baker, behaviour specialist and author of Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge, breaks down the misunderstood world of Positive Behaviour Support (PBS).
With real-life examples and practical insights, Andy explores why PBS is more than a poster on the wall. It’s a mindset and a method—rooted in assessment, adaptation and empathy. Whether you’re a caregiver, teacher, or parent, this episode offers a compassionate and science-backed look at how to reduce distress, not just manage behaviour.
🧰 Resources Mentioned
📘 Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge by Andy Baker: Buy on Amazon
🧠 The Able Target System: able-training.co.uk/ats
🖥️ Learn more about Able Training’s behaviour courses: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast
🧩 Three Key Messages
PBS isn’t soft—it’s strategic. It’s about analysing the function of behaviour, not just punishing the form.
Every behaviour has a benefit. If you don’t see it, you’re not asking the right question yet.
Focus on skill-building, not shaming. Replacement behaviours work best when they meet the same need in a safer way.
⏱️ Chapters & Timestamps
00:00 – Behaviour vs Punishment: Why "we’ve tried everything" often isn’t true
00:42 – What is Positive Behaviour Support?: A real-world breakdown
01:08 – Integrating Trauma-Informed Practice: Going beyond the behaviour
02:01 – The 6-Stage TARGET Model: Andy’s unique approach to PBS
03:43 – Real-World Example: Head-Scratcher Strategy
06:19 – Skill-Building vs Compliance: Teaching safer ways to meet needs
07:42 – Autonomy and the Competing Pathway
08:29 – Why PBS Often Fails (and how to fix it)
10:21 – Book Excerpt: Weathering Behaviour with Insight
🤔 Why Listen to This Episode?
If you’re a parent or carer constantly firefighting distress without long-term change
If you’re a teacher struggling to apply behaviour policies to neurodiverse students
If you want a clear, compassionate alternative to sanctions, shame, and suppressionThis episode offers tools you can start using today—rooted in neuroscience, not guesswork.
🔗 Connect with Us
🌐 Podcast hub: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast
📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining
📲 LinkedIn: Able Training
📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast
🌐 Website: Able Training
📲 LinkedIn: Andy Baker
 

Living Well With Dementia: Friendship, Dignity and Making Moments Matter

In this deeply moving and often joyful episode of the Able to Care podcast, Andy Baker is joined by Peter Berry, who lives with Alzheimer’s, and Deb Bunt, author, counsellor and Peter’s close friend. Together, they explore what it truly means to live well with dementia — not through clinical labels or deficits, but through friendship, dignity, purpose and shared humanity.
This conversation will resonate strongly with family carers, professional caregivers, teachers and anyone supporting someone with additional needs, as it challenges common assumptions about memory, identity and “loss”. Peter and Deb share honest reflections on diagnosis, stigma, trust, cycling challenges, writing together, and the idea of being an “external memory” — all grounded in a relationship that prioritises connection over care and moments over memories.
⏱️ Episode Chapters (Timestamps)
00:01 – Living with a dementia diagnosis: shame, silence and the turning point
05:30 – Purpose, advocacy and planting a new future
06:30 – Not being defined by dementia
08:45 – Dignity, stigma and the “shabby coat” metaphor
13:50 – Living in the moment and finding joy
17:10 – Metaphors, meaning and communicating the unsayable
19:20 – Cycling, challenge and staying active
25:50 – Life after diagnosis: what is still possible
33:15 – “External memory”, trust and friendship
41:45 – Making moments, not memories
47:00 – Support versus care and mutual relationships
56:05 – Messages for those newly diagnosed or supporting someone
59:05 – Books, advocacy and what comes next
💡 Three Key Messages from This Episode
Dementia does not erase identityPeter is not “a person with dementia” — he is Peter. Diagnosis may change memory, but it does not remove personality, humour, values or worth.
Dignity is shaped by how we respondAs Peter powerfully explains, dignity isn’t taken by dementia itself, but by how others react to the label. Compassionate responses preserve humanity.
Moments matter more than memoriesYou may not be able to create lasting memories — but you can always create meaningful moments. Joy exists in the here and now.
📚 Resources Mentioned in the Episode
Slow Puncture – Living Well with DementiaAvailable in print, Kindle and audiobook
Walk with Me – Musings Through the Dementia Fog
Patching the Puncture – Continuing to Live Well with Dementia (Released February 2026)👉 Pre-order: https://bookguild.co.uk/bookshop/memoir/patching-the-puncture
🌐 Peter & Deb’s website and media appearances: https://www.peter-berry.com
🎧 Why Listen to This Episode?
If you support someone living with dementia — professionally or personally — this episode offers hope, clarity and a reframe. You’ll gain:
A deeper understanding of memory, identity and emotional connection
Practical insights into supporting someone without diminishing them
Reassurance that life, joy and purpose do not end with diagnosis
A reminder that friendship, humour and dignity still matter deeply
This is not a conversation about “managing dementia” — it’s about being human together.
🔗 Connect with Our Guests
Deb Bunt – Author & AdvocateLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/deb-bunt-ab247524/Instagram: @deb.buntTwitter/X: @debbunt
Peter Berry – Living with Alzheimer’sFacebook: Peter Berry Living with Alzheimer’sWebsite & media: https://www.peter-berry.com
🌍 Able to Care – Links & Social Media
📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: Able Training📲 LinkedIn: Andy Baker
 

Trauma Isn’t a Behaviour Problem: 3 Mindset Swaps for Carers and Teachers

Why trauma-informed practice isn’t soft — it’s smart, strategic, and essential for real behavioural change.
In this solo episode of the Able to Care podcast, behaviour specialist Andy Baker unpacks a powerful mindset shift: what if “won’t behave” is really “can’t cope”? With relatable examples from schools, care settings and families, Andy explores how trauma impacts the nervous system, why traditional discipline strategies often backfire, and how a more compassionate, strategic approach creates better outcomes for everyone. If you support children or adults with complex needs, this episode offers practical insights to rethink behaviour, build connection, and respond with clarity—not just consequences.
📚 Resources Mentioned
Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge by Andy BakerOrder now on Amazon UK
Able Training – Trauma and Attachment Courseshttps://www.able-training.co.uk
💡 Three Key Messages
Behaviour is Communication: What looks like defiance is often the nervous system protecting itself.
Language and Goals Matter: Swap “What’s wrong with you?” for “What happened to you?” and “Compliance” for “Safety.”
Connection Before Correction: Build trust and co-regulation before expecting behavioural change.
⏱️ Timestamps / Chapters
00:00 – Why trauma isn’t a behaviour problem00:57 – The story of Ryan: behaviour in context03:01 – Understanding fight, flight, freeze and fawn04:49 – The brain’s alarm system and trauma response07:35 – The behaviours we misinterpret: defiance, shutdown, hyperactivity08:58 – Shame, punishment, and internalised beliefs09:18 – Language swap: from blame to curiosity10:05 – Goal swap: from control to safety11:00 – Strategy swap: from punishment to teaching regulation12:03 – The golden question: “What are you trying to protect right now?”
🎧 Why Listen to This Episode
Whether you're a teacher facing ‘challenging’ behaviour in the classroom, a foster carer navigating emotional outbursts, or a support worker helping someone who keeps shutting down—this episode reframes what behaviour really means. Learn how trauma impacts the body and brain, and why responding with curiosity and connection changes everything.
🔗 Connect with Us
🌐 Website & Podcast Hub
📸 Instagram - @AbleTraining
💼 LinkedIn - Able Training
📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast

From Carer to Diagnosis: Michael Booth on Living with Young Onset Dementia

What happens when the person you once cared for… becomes the person you are?
In this deeply moving and insightful episode of the Able to Care podcast, host Andy Baker speaks with Michael Booth – dementia educator, author, and advocate – who brings a rare dual perspective to the conversation. Michael first cared for his mother, Christine, through young onset dementia. Then, just months after she passed away, he received the same diagnosis himself, at just 46 years old.
Now 51, Michael is defying expectations. He’s speaking out, mentoring others, and sharing his powerful message: dementia is not the end. This conversation challenges misconceptions about identity, memory, and diagnosis – and offers practical guidance for anyone supporting a loved one with dementia.
If you're a parent, teacher, or caregiver, this episode will help you better understand distress behaviours, communication, and how to stay present when everything feels uncertain.
📚 Resources Mentioned
📖 Dementia: You Are Not Alone by Michael Booth – Order on Amazon
🏥 Tees, Esk and Wear Valleys NHS Trust – Website
🌐 Able Training Podcast Archive – able-training.co.uk/podcast
💬 Three Key Messages
Dementia is not the end – A diagnosis does not erase who someone is.
Behaviour is communication – Even ‘aggression’ often signals distress, confusion, or unmet need.
Perspective matters – Understanding dementia through both the eyes of a carer and the person living with it changes everything.
⏱️ Timestamps & Chapters
00:00 – What if the person you cared for became you?
03:00 – What it feels like to live with dementia day to day
06:20 – Lessons from caring for his mum Christine
10:40 – Receiving his own diagnosis at 46
17:00 – What people get wrong about identity and dementia
22:00 – Can you still enjoy life after a dementia diagnosis?
26:00 – What really helps on a good day
30:00 – Writing Dementia: You Are Not Alone
36:00 – How services need to change
50:00 – If you’ve just had a diagnosis: Michael’s message to you
🎧 Why Listen to This Episode?
Gain insight into young onset dementia from both carer and lived experience
Understand how language, environment, and expectations shape support
Learn how to build emotional safety when words are lost but feelings remain
Be inspired by Michael’s resilience, clarity, and practical wisdom
This is a must-listen for anyone navigating dementia – professionally or personally.
🔗 Connect with Michael Booth
📘 Dementia: You Are Not Alone – Buy on Amazon
💼 Michael Booth on LinkedIn
🔗 Connect with Able Training & Podcast
🌐 Website & Podcast Hub
📸 Instagram - @AbleTraining
💼 LinkedIn - Able Training