Right, Wrong, or Just Misunderstood? A Trauma-Informed Look at Behaviour

In this solo episode, Andy Baker challenges one of the most common (and damaging) assumptions in behaviour support: “He knows better.” Drawing from a real-life situation involving a boy with ADHD, Andy explores the crucial difference between knowing right from wrong and being able to act on it in the moment – especially for neurodiverse or traumatised individuals.

Packed with real stories, reflective questions, and practical guidance for parents, carers, and teachers, this episode invites us to replace judgement with curiosity and see behaviour for what it really is – communication.

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🙌 Sponsored by Carers Card UK

Proud sponsor of the Able to Care podcast, Carers Card UK offers recognition, support, and real discounts for unpaid carers.
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🧰 Resources & References:

• The Able Hub: www.ablehub.uk – Free 14-day trial for carers and educators
  
  
• Andy Baker’s Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge

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💡 Three Key Messages:

1. Perception is not deception
   Children may express emotional truth even when facts are distorted. Dismissing this as lying can shut down empathy and connection.

2. Knowing isn’t the same as doing
   Trauma, ADHD, or emotional dysregulation can block access to knowledge in the heat of the moment. We don’t punish a dyslexic child for misspelling – so why punish emotional overwhelm?

3. Be a guide, not a judge
   Support means teaching, not shaming. When we ask, “What was the need behind that behaviour?”, we turn difficult moments into learning ones.

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⏱️ Episode Chapters:

00:00 – Intro: Right vs Wrong... or is it?
01:00 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK
02:00 – "He's just using it as an excuse" – the football example
04:00 – Emotional truth vs factual accuracy
05:30 – ADHD, time perception and heightened emotion
07:00 – Understanding the lie: Is it a lie at all?
08:30 – Emotional honesty and life experience
10:00 – Punishment, fear, and why some kids learn to lie better
11:00 – “Have I taught this in a way they can access when distressed?”
13:00 – Pick your battles and reframe behaviour as unmet need
14:30 – Regulation, curiosity, and modelling reflection
16:00 – Final thoughts: Reflective practice over perfection

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🎧 Why Listen to This Episode?

• For parents who feel stuck between discipline and understanding

• For carers supporting young people with ADHD, trauma, or neurodivergence

• For teachers rethinking behaviour as more than a checklist of rights and wrongs
  This episode will challenge your assumptions, offer new language, and give you practical tools to create safer, more reflective responses to behaviour that challenges.

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